Tis the season to be jollyyyyyyyyyy!!!!

Hello Again!!!

Hope your all well and settling in to the season of goodwill.........I'm just sat here waiting for a glimpse of snow.....apparently London have it......may soon be here!!! I hope for snow on xmas day...makes it feel that little more special doesn't it........

Well I suppose I best tell you how Im getting on...........quite well the last few days...and I suppose its not coincidence that it was injection day on Monday!! Oh How I am starting to love that B12 ribeana looking liquid!! even if just for a few weeks..........IT HELPS!! PLEASE LET ME HAVE MORE!!!!

Towards the end of last week I was really feeling poorly, I'm still having trouble with my digestive system.....so I will wait for a bit like the doctor said then if it continues I will go back.........I had the worst headache imaginable.......It seemed to have lasted days and days, I felt like someone had whacked me in the back of my head with a hammer, the only time I didn't feel it was when I was sleeping.

I have spoken to many sufferers and I am quite lucky with quality and quantity of sleep I get, some days its a fight to stay awake, but its worth it as I then sleep well at night, during the day when I do feel like I could drift off I just rest and let it pass by....Its hard but more beneficial.

Anyhow I've had the jab and although I don't feel it being as beneficial as the first one I had I do feel the benefits, I am not as tired, and I have less symptoms, the headaches ease and the body aches ease......Although not completely gone I find I can manage more.....I just hope the doctor see's it that way too....I suppose it doesn't help having a little cold hanging onto me either............

My immune system is so low as my antibodies are I just seem to pick anything up really quickly...........SO MUCH FUN!!

I cannot quite believe too that this weekend coming will be my 1 year anniversary of being ill......I don't think I will be celebrating that!! Although I do feel that in the last 12 months I have come along way.....I mean for months I didn't go out not even to the shops where as now once or twice a week I can manage that. Little by Little and day by Day I will beat this and if it takes time then so be it.....

The worse thing for me at the minute is my work situation.....Like I said work have been 150% amazing, I couldn't ask for anything else, I just hope that I can get back there, even part time maybe, although they and I am not putting ANY pressure on myself to, and if I have to leave then so be it.....I will concentrate on getting better or managing my illness better then look for some other employment.........who knows at the minute though.........

I am also dog sitting for my brother 3 days a week at the minute, as his usual dog sitter is on a holiday for weeks, its not demanding, I don't have to take Becca (that's the dog) for a walk, as my brother does that....my mum picks me up about 10.30 am.......and me and Becca just chill on the sofa watching DVD's (Prime suspect at the minute, WHY have I never watched this before its fab!) then Ferg gets me about 4.30pm and that me done.......its only 3-4 days of the week....and its only like being at home and I must say the dog is good company...she is soooo lovely too......I will upload a pic soon of her.

Xmas is also fast approaching and I still have to wrap some pressies.........I don't like this much......DAMM!!
Like I said previously last xmas for me and Ferg was a washout really.....ambulance on boxing day...lots of drama!! OMG.........So this year I aim to enjoy it all.......then rest for 12 months to get over it!!

Well that's ya lot for today......today's picture is my and my bestest mate....who came to visit me on Saturday and ate all my bloody biscuits!!

Take care Talk soon..........Love LFB xx

Weekend In Gretna Survived....Just !!

Hiya Guys and Gals.....How are we all?

Well in 2 words......IM KNACKERED!! So for a few days my body will again be in recovery mode...but it was sooooooo worth it, I survived my best friends wedding but only just!!

I have a little energy left so while I still remember what I have done the last few days I thought I best write it down.....although Loose women is interrupting this process...grrrr daytime telly I am becoming more sucked in to this life.....!

Anyhow I had the worst possible start to the weekend imaginable, I woke up on the Friday morning at 4am...and could I get back to sleep...NO....arghhhhhh sleep is so important to me and I usually sleep so well...but I did the worst thing possible on Thursday..I fell asleep as I spent most of the day in bed resting...I haven't slept in the day for a few months and it really makes a difference forcing myself to stay awake in the day in order to have some quality sleep in the night.....Oh well I thought cant do nothing about that.....

We set off on the mini about 10.30am.....and I just popped my MP3 player on....lay my head on my pillow and rested at the back of the mini bus up the M6.....we had a great journey to be fair, and arrived at Gretna about 3ish....missing out all the usual Friday traffic on the car park otherwise known as the M6...........when we got there though I felt sick...., like physically sick.....I don't think the latte I had from the service did me much good....so as soon as we had the key to the room I was in the loo being sick......hmmmmmmmmm great!

Friday night the gang had a few drinks in the bar, whilst I stayed in bed...rest and sleep was what I needed, and as I had made it this far I wasn't gonna miss Dawn's big day.

Saturday morning came and although I felt groggy I felt 100% better than the previous night....I went and ate breakfast and then showered and changed the wedding was at 11:30am.....OMG again though I was sick.....Great!!.......I did actually make it through the ceremony...oh it was great Martyn and Dawn both looked fab...in fact as Dawn entered the chapel then stood next to him I couldn't help but cry...what a wally!! No-one else was...I looked round and prayed I wasn't the only one....Oh well I must be getting sentimental in my old age!

We went on to have the meal...which about an hour after prompty came back up....not good!! all this food just not digesting...and I need food as my energy....argghhhh........I made it out on the night for a few hours like everyone else as we were all knackered...and once I'd had some Bacardi Breezers (yeh not great when you've been sick....but I just thought if I'm gonna be ill I'm gonna be ill regardless so what the hell!) I had some fun.......The journey home was good, again I just rested and we got back within 4 hrs...........I am really pleased I made it to my best mates wedding, as 6 months ago I just didn't think I would....I think also that my friends saw how ill and how quickly it can come on which in a funny way helped because although I tell them about it and they read this to see how I am and how quick this can shoot me down speaks louder than words, but all of them who were there were very supportive, and kept checking I was OK....again I may be ill but I am so blessed to have family and friends like mine......without them this illness could have taken me down a very depressing path and although some days I am down, one of them will say a few words and it picks me they are great....!

So the sickness thing...I had this trouble before and some tablets the doctor gave me helped, I went to see him again yesterday and he has given me some different ones to try and if this sickness continues he will refer me to have a endoscopy to make sure nothing serious is wrong with my digestive system......and if that isn't bad enough now I am claiming ESA (employment support allowance) as my SSP has ran out with work, which is hardly surprising....and while they are paying me a whole £65 oer week!! whoopieee they have sent me a form to fill in which I think I need a PHD for.....man its huge!!!! I've been filling it in for two days now....oh well...its embarrassing to.....claiming benefits...I just want to work.....for financial and social reasons........almost 12 months now Ive been ill......but anyhow I don't want to go down that road of sadness now as the festive/happy time of year for most of us is fast approaching.....at least I have managed to get every ones xmas presents (as I have some ££ saved) and most of the wrapping done..just a few more to wrap and I'm done

The tree went up yesterday....and I will be at my sisters for Xmas day...I am looking forward to it as last year I spent all day in bed and boxing day we had the ambulance out...its seemed so long ago but now xmas is fats approaching its seems all to recent now....strange...

Anyhow long post again and Im tired now....so like I said I think I need a few days recovery...and I have my next B12 on Monday so I'm hoping again that helps.........

Today's picture is me and Ferg at the wedding from the weekend, I really love this photo

Thanks for reading again and I will blog soon take care...........Love LFB xxx

In Memory Of Gayle...May you now find peace...

Hiya again.....

Well another week has flown by, I've not been up to much....but I have done some things......

Had a bit of a rough week or so if I am honest and not all of it lay with being ill, I have made some online friends through various forums/groups associated with CFS, one was Gayle Bradford, a lovely women who I never met from Northern Ireland, most days we'd have a chat and comment on status's via facebook.
Then one day last week as I was changing my bedsheets I thought of Gayle (because she had been saying how lovely her new winter duvet was) and realised that I hadn't spoke to her for a few days and I knew she wasn't feeling that great, so I thought I'll post her a message via facebook to see how she was......Imagine the shock when I go to her wall to see an announcement that Gayle had decided to end her own life....She had just turned 32. I cannot describe how upset I was, I think partly through shock to, I just couldn't believe it, I know Gayle was poorly, although I have now since found out she was also battling some personal and horrible issues too which may have made her decision to take her own life.

Although I never met her I feel I became close to her via our messages to each other, and I know we shared alot of songs choices in common too, I hope she has now found the peace she deserves, I will always remember Gayle and was honoured to have been a friend of hers...RIP Gayle

So this did fill me with sadness last week, and probably carried on for the remainder of the week, and probably contributed to me not feeling great....

I went to the doctors on Wednesday for another blood test for coeliac disease, and this may sound strange I hope that I do have it and this contributes as to why I am poorly, so I can then start a gluten free diet and hopefully sit back watch my body heal itself as it should do and be cured......alot to ask for I know.......but I wait in hope....I am awaiting the hospital to contact me with the results...........I will keep you all updated (that's if anyone does still read this!!)

On Friday I took a trip into work for a update on my illness/health review and I know that as I have more or less in total been off for 12 months or so some decisions will have to be made soon, we will await these results and my next trip to the hospital and take it from there, obviously there is a possibility I will have to leave and I will be truly saddened by this but I must be true to myself and also the company.......I know lots of people who work there slag the place off, but that is one thing I will never do, my friends there always give me well wishes, even before I was ill I have always found support within the walls there too......I have been there 9 yrs.....god knows how I lasted so long, but I feel part of the place, like alot of my growing up (and yes I still need to grow alot more!!) has taken place there.
I also went into the main part of the building whilst there something I haven't done since April, and I did feel sick and nervous as I did it, but it was nice to see some people and have a few brief chats.......made me realise that I do want to go back health permitted of course...but who know...one day at a time.....and I will do what i right for ME....no-one else....I will control my destiny, so we will see in the new year where I'm headed.

Well that brings me up to currently, and I am resting lots this week and taking 4 B12 tablets a day (I can take upto 5) although the docs say they don't work they are giving me a little bit extra....as its me best chumleys wedding this weekend in Scotland, we are going Friday, wedding is Saturday then travel back Sunday...I cant wait, 6 months ago I didn't think I would make it...but I'm so excited.....I was also sad last week as Saturday was her hen night and I didn't go, I knew it would be stupid if I did and be I'll from ill and being at the wedding is more important....I sent Ferg on the Stag do though, so at least one of went...:-)

So take care for now guys.....I will give you a full update on the results/how this weekend went etc.....

So on Wedding themes here's one from my special day

Catch ya soon...love lots LFB x

OOOO I am here!!!

Hiya........Yes I have left it a long time again since I last blogged....

There is a reason for this and it may become apparent in this post, but basically I have been extremely peed off and frustrated and I didn't want this blog to become dark and gloomy like the weather, although I wanted to put all my thoughts and feelings in this for my own sake I would have ranted and spouted crap (no I don't usually!!!) and that wouldn't have been helpful to me or you reading this trying to understand this illness........

Anyhow I will begin with seeing my doctor on the 12th November, we gain chatted about things I explained that how for 2 weeks the injection gave me my old life back but had now evidently worn off, but he didn't want to increase my dosage, he wants to see how the next 2 injections go and then discuss that further....fair enough

I had my second B12 injection on 16th Nov and by the following day I felt great again, even tackled the spare bedroom....I was so looking forward to my birthday on 18th.....but no such luck, whilst I woke up feeling great after getting ready to go out I was sick......not sure of it was a 24 hrs bug or side effect form the injection...but I spent most of my birthday in bed......grrrrr.....

So the injection has not had the same effect as last time but it did have a positive effect initially......so I am not too dejected...it maybe a case that I need as I said before alot of B12 to improve my levels then an injection every month to maintain this....(even the nurse who injected me said that is usually the case) but I will just have to Wait for the next injection in 3 weeks now....

Then onwards to the 19th and my return the hospital, I saw a different neurologist this time not that i minded, she was really welcoming and nice, she did say to me that the MRI scan that I had on my brain (and I have been told about 3 times its all clear) show "Cholesterol Graining" on it...whatever that is, as she was unsure and will speak to the radiologist, I am not too worried though as I googled it and nothing came up, and she did say it could be something I was born with, and I know that a radiologist has looked at this already, although it does still make you worry slightly when you don't know for sure......

I spoke with her about the B12 and she wants to do YET MORE BLOOD!! to check my anitibodies and also to see if I have Coeliac Disease which is a reaction to some food products ie wheat...it maybe that I need a gluten free diet.....this maybe the reason that my B12 is low as having this is a malfunction in your stomach/intestine which does not absorb your food and therefore nutrients properly, it may also mean that I may have to have the camera down my throat!! The joys.........

That brings me back to my first paragraph of why I haven't blogged, I feel like I have been on a roundabout and just need it to stop, I am grateful for all the tests they are doing however just wish that they were all done in one go, everything seems to be taking too long......I will be going back to the hospital in 2 months but I will be on the phone before that for the blood results (I have the blood taken on Wednesday by the way as it was too late at the hospital on Thursday for it to be done)

However my life is just at a standstill at the minute....Do I need to quit work? Will I get better? etc etc....

I know i will get answers soon I just feel after 12 months I am no nearer to getting a confirmed diagnoses that I was in January.....so I have been quite down and miserable lately and I am better off alone when this happens as I will bite someones head of for no reason and that is not fair.....

I am just very lucky to have Ferg, my family and some very close friends to help pull me through times like this as it hard for me, but also hard for them to see the bubbly character that is usually me being on the floor....it is hard for them to deal with too......If it is that I have CFS/ME then fine I will accept that make changes in my life I need to a move on......if its something else then fine I will tackle that too.....its just the not knowing that really pees me off......

So that's that for now.....sorry its been longer than before but I hope you understand........

I need to cheer up soon as in 2 weeks my best friend gets wed at Gretna Green and I must be there and happy to.....but being around my friends will be a happy affair anyhow..............

Oh and I have Peter Kay tickets for next May too.....lets hope I'm well enough to go....I need some laughter

Today's picture is me and hubby...Love you Ferg.....xx


Take care guys and catch ya soon love LFB xxx

A Longgggggggg Week.......................

Hiya Guys.....

Well its been a long week for me this week......I am sad to report that I haven't been that great......

The tiredness and a few headaches have kicked back in again....although I'm used to that now, so I have been very limited in my activities and mainly rested.....

Again though I'm not sad about it, and I'm actually looking forward to my next injection on Monday 16th Nov, but before that I see my GP on Thursday and I will chat to him about the effects the B12 injection and hoping he may increase the dosage....I'm not holding out for that though as I see the neurologist on 19th of this month and I aim to get more joy then, as I am sure my GP will say lets just wait.....TOO predictable.....

The good thing though is that I am still resisting the urge to sleep in the day and therefore I am sleeping at night a solid 8-9 hours....It is important to keep that routine as it does help.....

I did get a little moody last week towards the end of the week, I think that's just the tiredness and everyone gets niggly when they are tired, maybe I show it more than others...That's the red-head coming out in me

The weekend my mood lifted not sure why, maybe it was due to all the Remembrance parades etc...Makes you realise that its important to concentrate on the life that you have rather than what you had before or what you don't have.....

Anyhow so I am 6 days away from what will hopefully be another injection of power in me.....good timing for my birthday next week to.........

Today's pic is me and my bestest Chumley....x

Take care and will blog soon......love LFB xx

Two fab weeks.......Now its wearing off....

Hiya guys.....

Well I'm sad to report that after two weeks of feeling great I am now on a downward spiral to tiredness and headaches again.........

I say I'm sad but I suppose I am not really THAT sad as it meant the the injection worked....okay so I need to the the doctor again soon.....in 11 days and my next injection is in 14 days.....well I've coped for 10 months or more like this so I'm sure I can cope a few more days.........

I am amazed at how much the injection did improve my life though....no tiredness...(just the normal day-day tiredness we all feel) no headaches it was great.....I am hoping that during my visits to the docs and the specialist within this month will see them agree with me and give me more regular doses of B12 to really get my levels up then have them monthly or so to maintain them.......

I will convince them it is the way to go.....and fingers crosses they will see that too...

I felt myself going downhill on friday in all honesty...and we had been invited to a party so I said to hubby lets go as I think the next two weeks are going to be rough for me, and it was really good to again go out.

I saw and chatted to lots of friends I haven't seen in a long time, which was really nice and had lots of nice comments come my way about this blog in particular.

I managed to stay until just after 11pm and when I go in I was shattered and to be honest yesterday and today I have spent in bed as I am as flat as a battery with a horrid headache that tablets just wont shift.....I even had a cat nap this afternoon which is something I haven't done i a while but nevermind that sometimes just cannot be helped..

So I will have to go careful this next two weeks and be conservative with my energy...that's ok though I get through it........

So just a short post today to give you the heads up of where I am.....

Today's picture is from Mablethorpe to...!

Thanks again for reading....See you all soon.....LFB xx

Improvement noted...and loving It........

Hello Again followers....How are we all?

What a great week it has been for me.....As you know from my last post things after the B12 injection had improved but that was just after 2 days......

Well Thursday came and I'll be honest I thought it hadn't worked as I felt POO.....however I did feel like it was just a cold bug that I had, so I tucked myself up in bed with some lemsip and rested up, trying not to let myself get down about it......and.........

Friday came and I felt fab again.......Phew it must have been a day of the sniffles and nothing more, I know its easy for both me and yourselves to say don't build your hopes up about the B12 injection but although I try and describe it as best I can here, you really don't understand how the last 10 months have effected and how I have felt.....it is hard not to get my hopes up, I know I shouldn't but after all I am only human (yes I am) and many of you would be the same.....

Anyhow Friday night and my 14 year old cousin Rudy was having his first competitive boxing match at a local club and at 5.30pm I decided I really wanted to go and support him, and he was fab, he lost on points but he was very courageous for a 14 year old in a room of about 500 or so watching, I was so proud of him and he will have many wins under his belt soon enough.....

I got through the night..(I say got through....) I enjoyed the night hugely, I had no ill effects and stayed out until 11.30pm and had a few shandies....YIKES!!! I really though on Saturday I was going to pay for this.....

Saturday morning came and after opening my eyes and waiting for my body for feel like a ton of bricks I was ok again!! I even went to town for 9am the feelings I had was the best I had experienced for a very long time, on Friday and Saturday a lot of folk commented how well I looked....and I felt NORMAL....(whatever normal is)

Saturday during the day I didn't really do much, some washing, but mainly pigged out as my real diet started on Monday so i was having a big blow out.....again!

Sunday was a great day too.....I prepared and cooked the dinner with the help of Ferg.....and of course my beloved Liverpool pulled out a stunning victory against Man Utd which just made me the happiest red in town........feeling great and putting one over the scum.......happy days........I even had a few bottles of Bud.....8 in fact but in the last few months when two were knocking me about...the 8 went down just fine......now I know I'm getting better.....

Today again has been a good day...I have flashed the bathroom liked you would believe......cleaned the ceiling tiles and wall tiles.......and did some other bits of housework.....okay so feeling good does have its downside...:-/

I hope this B12 lasts......I will be going back to the docs in 3 weeks for my next one as well as my 2nd Appt with the neurologist....I'm hoping the injections will continue in this vain for me.......for the first time in a long time I am looking forward to doing things again and even a return to work which I have missed....

I know it will all take time, my body has been dormant for 10 months, I need gentle exercise,a good diet to help rebuild me and also repair my confidence as that too was a little shot.....

So fingers crossed I maintain this.......I even walked to the shops the last few days on my own too.....which is a big things as although I've been out when I've been ill I have always been with someone...so this is a big step too.....

I have posted another holiday snap today.....these were the tasty crusty cobs from a lovely little bakery we found....even better with chips on....

Tale it easy peeps and I'll write again soon.....thanks for your well wished and support....Love LFB xxx

Holiday, Physio and Injection........!

Wow Guys.....Been a long time....sorry.......I must have been having fun...!

Well where do I start again......I know with the holiday........

It took us about 3 1/2 hours in the car to get to Mablethorpe, straight forward journey really and I was okay......We had a nice clean caravan allocated to us and even though it was rather chilly at night it was fine.......I actually did more than I ever thought I could and really chilled myself out and relaxed.....Usually when we have "English holidays" Hubby and I spend a vast amount of time in the pub and arcades....but on this trip because I didn't have the luxury of lots of energy we just strolled around, visited the shops and enjoyed the sea air......we walked along the beach each day stopping at little cafes for refuelling cups of tea every so often so I could rest to......

I felt alive again....we only went out the one night when England played to a little pub 2 mins walk from the caravan and then we were home by 10pm as I had consumed a few too many shandies.....but it was fun...

The 4 day break did me some good as it showed that even though I have CFS it doesn't mean i cannot enjoy life, I just need to go a little slower sometimes and I accept that, and I probably enjoyed this break alot more as I fully appreciated what I was able to do.

We are even planning a return trip for July next year regardless of my recovery, it was lovely and I would like to stroll on the beach in my summer clothes rather than a hoodie and woolly hat next time, and my photo's of the fantastic seal sanctuary didn't come out (bloody memory card!) so I need some more, and I must visit the fab bakery again too....:-)

So with the holiday over, I spent the majority of the weekend in bed as I was exhausted and physio and the injection where taking place on Monday.

The physio was ok again, much of the same really, I have been doing the exercises and we discussed that and I explained that I was feeling tired after doing it but at the same time I felt like my body was waking up too...so I am to carry on doing the exercises and return to him again in 3 weeks....I think its all about finding the right balance.....

Then we come to Monday afternoon and the B12 injection, oh my days, I have never been sop nervous in the build up to it, I think mainly excited/nervous but my palms were sweating, my stomach churning.....I got to the docs about 3:40pm and was called in almost immediately (which I was glad about) The injection was a red fluid (like ribena really) and a very small amount, not that I was expecting a huge amount, the jab was about 2 seconds long.....and off I went........

When I got home I felt fab and went for a run....( ha ha ha only kidding....wish that was true though!!!)

I just sat waiting all Monday night for the change to happen......and waited and waited....its not like say having a rash when you can see it clear up, and I felt quite tired, probably because I had worked myself up into such a state, so I went and had a hot relaxing bath and early night.....

Yesterday when I woke I felt groggy and it still took me the normal couple of hours to start functioning slightly, and I know the only way I would know if the B12 injection had worked was to test it........I did all the housework, made breakfast, lunch and tea and also some exercise.....I did start to feel slightly tired about 2.30pm but it passed quite quickly and it was only tiredness....I went to bed about 11pm last night still wondering if it had worked or was I just having a "Good Day"......

Today I woke up and felt quite bright quite soon after I had opened my eyes.....I made breakfast for me and hubby again.......and I have been to Asda too.....I do feel more bright and alert but a slight twinge of tiredness does creep in too.....that is probably expected too also considering what I have been through the last 10 months or so......

So am I cured?!?!? I don't know at this point.....I guess its still "Lets suck it and see"

Ferg says I seem much brighter and alert..............I go back for the 2nd jab in 4 weeks which also ties in to my next appt with the specialist.....it may be a case I need more B12 now to get my levels up and then have the injection more spaced out to maintain my levels.......

Its all still early stages but the signs are good......

As always I will keep you updated more regularly than I have done in the last few weeks...(if I'm not out having too much fun!)

Thanks for reading and also for your continued support and well wishes....

Today's picture is from my holiday last week......Seaside tea and a ginger biccy on the sea front..:-)


Take care see you soon....LFB xxx

Working Hard on Physio................

Hiya.......Well I havent left it a week again have I.....he he

So what have I done since we last met.....Sunday I relaxed alot, apart from watching my beloved Liverpool FC being beat by Chelsea, I was not amused.....I cant wait to get back to Anfield as soon as I feel better although the rate my boys are going I may not want to......but of course I will...:-)


So Monday came and I made my way in the afternoon to the physio, his name is Russell and quite a nice bloke, probably around my age maybe younger.....



He asked me what I could and couldn't do physically, how I get fatigued etc......I do not do much in the session other than talk to him and he gave me approx 10 exercises that I need to do at least 3-4 times a week, and also try some walking with a gradually increase of time I spend doing it....



I am to do the exercises at home and document briefly how I feel doing it and take that back to him on 19th October (the same day as my first B12 injection), not sure it that is wise but I will see how it goes......



I have done the exercise each day since Monday and finding them okay, and I finding muscles move I didn't know I had! I will continue to do them as its about keeping my body active and so so dormant as that will create muscle wastage....



I have been fatigued after doing them however after resting I feel OK......and although I am going away next week, I will still do them otherwise this week would have been pointless....



Had another chat with work today to discuss my progress and will go in for another health review at the end of the month, hopefully by then I will know if the B12 injection had helped, my boss has also asked me to the Xmas party which is nice considering I haven't been there most of the year, but what gave me a boost was when she said.."I'm still part of the team" Those words have given me some more hope of going back, although I am not naive enough to think I will just waltz back in and do my old job just like that, but I will cross that bridge when I need to and I am not worrying about that now.........I am happy that I am still officially employed, it does give my hope and feels like I haven't been abandoned on the scrap heap just yet.......I have said before and will say again, not many businesses would have treated me like this and I can only thank them for their support.....I say them but I actually mean Jayne my boss, and also some colleagues that read this and text me or say hi via facebook, all of that means alot to me so thanks guys....x




Anyhow I must start to pack my clothes for my little trip to the seaside.....why on earth I want to go the the seaside in October is beyond me.....no sun lotion being packed....extra thermal clothes I think......But oh the seaside fish and chips......TASTY...:-) and the sea air may do me some good.........




I will probably blog again before Monday and keep you updated on my progress.........



Today's photo was almost 2 years ago in Cuba.......Cant wait to return there


Keep Happy everyone........see you soon..................LFB......xxx

Feeling like poop....but possible cure???

OMG I know I left it a week again to blog but I have been a little unwell this week and not felt like doing much......

This week has been a slow one for me with a few down days as I wasn't able to get out much or even get on the wii fit again like last week, but I sat back and thought....I had a good run of things and its caught up with me so ride the wave, rest up and start again....

So that is what I have done, although today I feel rather sick and I have a blistering headache, I think there are a few nasty bugs going about and I probably picked one up somehow, so its Saturday afternoon and I'm resting in bed....

I have been the doctors this morning..yes a Saturday morning appt I was surprised too....my blood results for B12 were in and although the amount of B12 has increased slightly (thanks to the food and tablets no doubt) it is still low, so the result.......well The GP wanted to wait again to see how I carried on with the tablets I was taking (there is no prescription for better tablets and the food) and then review it again, I want so keen to keep waiting so he suggested I waited until I saw the consultant again next month again I said well they wanted me to speak with you.......I said to him can the symptoms I show be a cause from B12 deficiency and he said yes but it could also be a red herring..............

So the big questions would it harm me in anyway to try the B12 injections now.....No was the answer...but still he wasn't keen...so I usually just sit back and take that but I knew if I left the surgery at that point I would regret it....so I just said plain and simple I want the injection......please if there is no harm in having it lets try......and he agreed then.....I mean I have been ill since December, and my GP has been brilliant and explains everything and I really didn't want to get uppity or snotty with him and I didn't I just asked.....

I am having my first injection on 19th October....as I am away the week before and that is the soonest, I am looking forward to it in a way although I will say again I am not pinning my hopes on it although it is difficult not to sometimes....

The agreement is I will have one injection each month for 3 months see how that goes....well I cannot complain at that now......I hope this is the answer but if not that I will soldier on as before and work out how to live my life the comfortable way from there on.........

That's it really for this week........like i said I'm a little unwell at the minute and not up to writing much but I know a few people like to read this and its an easy way of keeping you updated.....

I hope you all have a fab weekend too.........

Today's picture is another wedding one from Cuba.......3 years ago on the 11th October.....WOAHHHH


See you soon......LFB xxx

Things are moving forward...........

Hello

I know its been nearly a week again, but I really don't want to bore you each day.......

So this week has flown by, its amazing how perception of time changes with the way you feel......when I'm having a bad day the days are so long and lonely yet when I feel good time flies....and on both days I could be doing the same.......hmmmmm

This week has been pretty much the same as last week although I feel I have done more with getting my body moving.....I did have a little off day on Wednesday, although I think I may have eaten some dodgy mushrooms as I was up in the night feeling very sick so I didn't sleep much either...so Wednesday was my day of rest...I was going to my mums's as my sisters and brothers go on a Wednesday and we have dinner but I just felt unwell so I was better off staying at home....

Thursday I was much brighter so it worked...I am slowly but surely listening to my bodies needs.........and I MUST continue to do this and go at MY pace that I am comfortable with.

I have this week been more careful with foods that I am eating and also trying to increase the B12 levels too, with a tablet and foods.......I had my bloods done yesterday so hopefully ion a week or so I will know more if its still low then who knows....I will keep you updated.....


I even had the Wii Fit out for 3 days this week doing some gradual exercises, I haven't felt too many ill effects although I was tired, so I will try every other day to do 15 minutes......and see if that helps.....

I start physio too on the 5th October for graded exercise, I am not sure what to expect but I sure will give it a damm good go.............! Its only down the road too which is good and my physio will be called Russell, I haven't met him yet but I'm sure we will get on just fine.....I am really looking forward to it as for the first time in a very long time I feel this could be it, although again I am going to be very careful as always as I know how bad a relapse can be....so its all about managing it, and not do what I want to do.....like the London Marathon!!! (as if)

So I hope you all have a good weekend, I plan on relaxing as next weekend its my Army reunion...so I need some energy for that and its only 2 weeks before my little holiday.......I can't wait to have seaside fish and chips......!


Today's pic is me and my special friend and hubby again...........this was taken a couple of weeks ago at Trenthams Monkey Forrest.......


Catch you all soon.......Love :FB xxxx

Just cant shake the tiredness off..............

Well Hello.............

I didn't realise it had been over a week since my last post...I must be busy......haha

Well I must say I feel like I am still improving and the headaches are getting less (touch wood) but I just cant seem to shake of the tiredness, I am still not sleeping in the day but I have had the occasional nap (20 mins or so) and this is only when the wave of fatigue is intense.......and normally I don't feel it build up it just BANG brick wall and its here..........

So I have had another appointment come through for the hospital to see the neurologist on the 19th November...the day after my 29th Birthday............no drinking for me then......I need a clear head......

I also had a letter come through with reference to my tests I have had, my lumbar puncture, EEG where fine most of my blood was fine but my ANA (something to do with anti-bodies are low) which may or may not be significant they will discuss and test further if need be at the hospital but its nothing to be overly concerned about for the minute and my B12 levels are low..........

So I am having on Thursday further bloods done to re-test my B12, I will give a brief description on this for you....B12 deficiency can cause some of the symptoms I have been experiencing although I am not pinning all my hopes on this...so I am trying to eat foods rich in B12 which is mainly animal products such as red meat, eggs, milk, marmite (good job I am a lover not a hater!) and I am taking a tablet supplement, it may be that my stomach cannot absorb the B12 so if this is not working and my level stays low, it may mean that I will have to have regular injections to help this, and then its a waiting game of whether this is what has been wrong with me or its plain and simple I have CFS.

In my last post I told you about the anti-depressants, that I was going to start taking, well I took the decision not to take them until I can get some resolve around this B12, like I said I am not pinning my hopes on this B12 but I feel if there is a slight chance then I do not want to take any tablets that may not be needed (if that makes sense) and I am seeing and other around me are seeing I am improving mentally and physically........although it is going to be a slow recovery and I must take my time in recovery to avoid any relapse like I suffered when I went back to work earlier on the year.

I am still trying to do some exercise each day until my physio appointment come through to get my body working again, and I am resting when my body starts to yell at me.........


I have booked my little mid week holiday at a Haven site in Mablethorpe, just outside Skegness so that should be fun, like I said I am just looking to relax in another environment as I doubt its going to be beach weather so just a few gentle strolls around locally will do me, and if hubby gets bored the park has its own fishing lake, something we both haven't done in about 6 weeks or so.

Well I promise next time not to leave my blog so long.............and I hope I can continue to improve...........

Thanks for reading and thanks for your messages of support.......

Today's photo is me and my nephew Louis........

See you all soon..............LFB xx

On the Mend???

WELL WELL WELL..............

Things are still looking well.............not 100% but 100% better than I have been..........

So I left you on sunday with the facts that I had been out for a while and felt different.....and here we are 5 days on and with a slight blip n Wednesday when I felt sorry for my own sad ass again and I still feel good.........

I went out for an hour or so on Monday to teh shops to get my Mum a birthday pressie for Tuesday, and then on Tuesday I went out for almost 2 hours and had lunch with my mum, 2 of my 3 sisters and 2 of my 5 nephews, and it was good....

I cannot remember the last time I did that, as in 3 days on the trot of going out, so it was aony an hour here and there but thats is alot for me if you have been reading this blog or speak to me often.

Dont get me wrong I have still had the headaches, but not always as intense and long lasting, and the fatigue is still present, but I am not wanting to sleep in the day like I did before, and I am sleeping through the night, a good 8-9 hours mostly.

I feel some of the old me is coming back to, where I want to go and do things, socilaise, shopping etc.....where as before looking back I was probably anxious to do those things because I was scared of being ill..........maybe I knew this but didnt admit it mainly to myself.

I have an appointment coem through to visit the neurologist too on the 19th November which is good, and I went to see my GP last night who suprised me with asking me if I wanted some more of some tablets.....the only tablets I take often are Omerprazole for acid reflux so when I questioned what tablets it turns out the neurologist has recomended I take amitriptyline which is an anti depressant............ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH was my 1st thought but the dose I take is to be 10mg going up to 50mg maximum if needed........so down the root of I dont want them etc etc........however if I was being treated for depression the dosage would be more like 100mg or so........

Anyhow some studies have shown the this tablet at this dosage each evening before bed can help with the pain ie Headaches I get so I have said before I will give anything a go, I will take them even though I have been reluctant before, I have spoken to others who suffer CFS and they have said that if helped them too with pain and sleep and just taking the edge of it..........and if I feel no benefit I can always stop taking them...........the downside is Alcohol is to avoided!! But being well again is more important.............

So I am going to start them tonight and I have to give it a couple of months I think as I may not see any benefits for a month, and if i react badly to them I will stop, but at least I know I have tried to help myself.


So today I have been to work for another review which went well, I feel more positive about things now (this is before the happy pills too!!) I do feel I will be able to work again and I have said before and will say it again.....Everyone at work who I have had some form of contact with over the 9 months have been fab, especially HR and my boss, they are very reassuring and also honest which helps, and in return I am honest with them about what I am doing etc......


I am also looking at booking a few days holiday for in about 4 weeks time, I feel I need to venture out of my bubble and get out of the falt too, I'm not planninga big adventure just a few quiet relaxing days in a caravan in Skegness.....again until I do things how will I know my limitations???


Last thing as I am aware this page is long.......When I got back from work I decided to start my own basic graded exercise by making use of Rowley Park which is at the back of my flat.......I went out on my own for the forst time in a long time, took a bottle of pop...and strolled around the park...taking a 25 minute chill on the benches watching the world go by and enjoying some sun......I went out for about an hour...walked for about 20 minutes......

I will continue to do this daily then gradually increase the amout of walking I do.............maybe this will help too......and if I feel that I cannot do it on my own I will wait and go in the evening with Ferg.......

So my legs are burning a bit now by the shock of that excercise so i am going to listen to some music and relax and loving the achievements I have done this week.........

Have a fab weekend all......I aim too............and we'll catch up next week.........

Todays picture is me and hubby agan in Mexico last October.......I think we were a tad tipsy in this picture...!


Love to all.......LFB....xx

Feeling Different..............?!?!?!

Hi Guys......I'm back again............!


Well I had to blog as today I am feeling quite different, I will try and explain if I can, but I just hope how I feel today is the start of something but I believe that I will control that.........

First things first though.......... Thursday night through to today I had the little rug rat pictured with me in today's snap......which was taken today the the town park....Yes I went out for over an hour!

He is a very cheeky happy chappie and although I couldn't do lots with him it was fun, he comes out with some stuff that makes you chuckle.......Kids are ace....although I am happy to hand them back when I've had enough....!

Ferg kept him occupied most of the time, playing on the X Box and the Wii, and took him town too......


Yesterday I spent most of the day in bed feeling really quite low and tired, and started looking at "Cures" on the Internet and one keeps coming up, ts quite controversial at the minute, its called "The Lightening Process" and says it cures 89% of the ME/CFS patients who do it......although its not on the NHS etc...and costs a staggering £560-£1000 depending on where you have the process done at.

Although is there ever a price for your health.....? I say not but when controversy surrounds it its a harder decision to make.
There is not a lot of stuff actually detailed on the Internet about the process I think they keep it a mystery due to the high fees they get from it, but basically its a 3 day "Training" course and from reading someone else's detailed blog its about training your mind......so whilst initially I was very excited by it and thought "Yes" I will splash the cash now I am not so sure.........it is believed to be a kind of self hypnotherapy that's the best way from this persons blog to describe it.

There are hundreds people who say there life is improved by it, but then there is the smaller percentage who it as not helped, which I know happens with anything, but can it really work, the people whose stories I've read include Austin Healey's wife (rugby player and Strictly come dancing man) and Esther Rantzen's daughter who was bed bound for 14 years, so surely they would be promoting a dodgy money making scam would they? But if this 89% cure was so good why is it not used in the medical profession??? Oh I just don't know what to think, the thinking is driving me crazy, but I am still awaiting further talks with the hospital so until then I will not be parting with any money.

Also there are reviews which say how fantastic lives are since they have done this process but no follow ups, only up to a few months....that is also playing on my mind........anyhow it is something to ponder but until I talk it all through with my GO and consultant I will not be doing anything............it all just hurts my small brain!

So today I tried to put some of what I read into practice, telling myself to stop looking at what I cannot do and to tell myself I have 2 choices and only I can make the choices..............I can feel ill and tired and low and just lie in bed or on the sofa or I can tell myself NO I wont be ill, I want to go out, I can go out and do things............and maybe it worked today.......I went to the town park, feed the ducks, walked probably for 45 minutes or more came home hoovered, and now I am feeling a little tired but I haven't used some of my muscles in a long time so maybe that's why too.........other than the fatigue I have not had any of the usual symptoms

Maybe today is just a lucky day where I have been more symptoms free, or maybe my thought process help.....according to the lightning process its to do with adrenalin and how you use that..........Anyway I do not know, so I will take each day as it comes, but if I start to have more days like today with what I am thinking then it can only be good......

I am not getting carried away by one day far from it as I know the fall can be huge and hurt alot, but I feel different in myself, maybe I have convinced myself I will never be better but I know that there can be light at the end of the tunnel.....like I said I'm not sure but I will keep riding this wave and ope and pray I get better, and can return to work and "normal activities" as without these positive thoughts I will just depress myself and that will not help with anything....

Maybe it was having my nephew for a few days and having someone else to care for took my mind away from being unwell.....I am not sure, but we will see..............

So that got that off my chest..............let the good days roll...............well I wont give up on hope.......xx

See you soon......LFB xxxx

Feeling Brighter Than Last Time...........

Hello..............Me again..........

Hope you all had a fab bank holiday weekend...........mine surprisingly was rather quiet, I used to so love Bank Hols weekend at it meant one thing....PUB BEER SMASHED!!!

I will have one like that again soon, I insist! But for now its all about rest......

I am feeling brighter than my last post, sorry if that depressed you, it depressed me, thankfully it passed that day, I was just having one of those down in the dumps..please everyone feel sorry for me days.....But hubby came home and gave me a great big hug, told me I was letting anyone down and together we will get through this.....GOD I LOVE HIM SO MUCH....

So like I said I had a quiet weekend, just rested up really as I had some pretty awful headaches going on, and just need to lie down, I did manage to go out for an hour or so on Monday to the shops, but again the headache came and interrupted my outing so that was cut short........it really did feel like someone had whacked me hard in the back of the head and the pain went down my neck and into my shoulders, and no paracetamol was shifting it.

Yesterday was brighter to, I did a small amount of housework, we promptly then made me feel bad....grrr but I battled through and managed to complete what I wanted to do with rest in between just like my new book tells me to.....The book is excellent and already I know small things about how I am currently trying to manage to how I may manage that better, but it will take time, so I must learn to be a little more patient than I am at present.

I have been trying to get someone at the hospital too, as I want to know the outcome of my tests and when my physio will start.....I've had no response yet but I will keep trying......as you may well know "I am trying" lol

I just need some sort of closure to this now and for someone to give me a confirmed diagnosis instead of 99% that it is M.E/CFS....It is just hard for them to do, but I'll continue to wait and ask questions and seek the answers.......I have the time!


Today I went to my mums for a few hours, 2 of my sisters were there and my brother and it was fine, I wasn't feeling too good but I wanted to get out of the house for a bit but feel comfortable where I went so where else to go but my mums.....:-)

I am again though at that stage where I feel my battery is flat and will need a day or two to recharge so I will, I hope to read some more of my book to help, guide and support me and make some changes that could help me in future....


Today's picture is another of my wedding snaps as the day was perfect and the photo's always make me smile......:-)


See you all soon.................LFB xx

I just feel so frustrated today.........................

Hi Guys...........

How are we all..........? I'm not too bad, haven't been all singing all dancing this past week, but not been stuck in bed either.....

I managed to go out to the pub with Ferg and his Dad on Saturday afternoon, only for a few hours but it was nice, and then again on Sunday but this time only for half hour to my nephews party...........arghhhhhhhhh screaming kids....(and that was just the adults.....;-)

Apart from that I haven't done or it seems that I haven't done much, which may be the reason today I am feeling so frustrated...............

I haven't had a day like this for a long time, but I just want to do something anything but I have no energy......I sit surfing the net, flicking the TV channels, pick my book up, put my book down, make a coffee sit up, lie down.........arghhhhhhhhhhh I just want to scream............I'm not down or sad or depressed about it, just maybe angry that I feel so restricted. I don't want to feel like this it is just today I cannot snap out of it..........

So instead of letting steam of wrongly and getting even more frustrated I though it would be best I wrote here...............

I am not even feeling sorry for myself, I think its just a crazy day and I cant settle to even watch a film even music is peeing me right off today.............

I feel like I have lots of energy (although I am very tired).......god I even driving myself up the wall today...........my body feels all tense, its all very strange.............I hope it passes soon................

On a positive note I have started to brake up the housework and spread it across more days..........I'm not if that is why I am feeling like I am..........but I will stick at it as I am sure given time it will work, and I will be able to keep my energy levels balanced rather than run the battery flat and then trying to recharge for days on end............

You may be thinking tell the doctor about how your feeling.........but I have to be careful as I know exactly what he will say...."Anti Depressants" Now if I felt like this all the time then maybe that would be an option but I am only getting this the odd day and less and less often..............and I'm sure in a few hours or tomorrow I will be fine again...........

Maybe it's because Big Brother is ending next year, or Liverpool's appalling start to the new season............or I have ran out of coco pops.............oh I don't know

I am allowing myself to have this day though......I think even if I wasn't ill I would have days like this......

Anyhow rant over.............I don't want to bore you too much.............so I'll put so music on again and pick up my book again..........

Maybe after I've had some lunch I'll feel different...................

Today's picture is an old one from when I was in the army and trying on my uniform for the first time.......11 years ago!!! My god time flies...................


Catch ya soon, and hopefully I'll be in a better mood........Ginge xxxx

Learning..................

Hi guys

How you all been? I've not been too bad, had my moments but all in all a better few days although I'm still not 100% and firing on all cylinders...

Anyhow on my last blog I forgot to tell you my great news.....My pals from the Army were having a reunion this year which I had planned to go on, but had to let them know that I couldn't due to this bloody illness, so last week Charlie (one of the girls) let me know that they had all got together and decided that if I couldn't make it to London then they would all come to Stafford, to say I was speechless is an understatement. I am so amazed at what is being done for me, I just cannot thanks my friends enough, I have not seen them for almost 10 years and to do this well........SHOCKED and OVERWHELMED.....Thanks Guys x

The last couple of days I've been having some funny laughs after digging out some old pics, and placing them on facebook, (I will be so unpopular) but never mind, I have bought some albums to as my photo's are just lying around I though its the perfect opportunity whilst I'm off work to sort them out and make some nice albums out of them.......I have had some great times with family and friends and I am sure there will be many more.

Talking of photo's I took some of the sun setting two weeks ago as the sky was the reddest and prettiest I have ever seen, and quite light heartily I sent it to the local newspaper, The Staffordshire Newsletter but heard nothing back so I thought nothing of it, until I bought the paper today and my picture had been printed on the editors page.....I have been laughing about it all day......I just cannot believe it..........made my day, well that and the fact my eldest sister and son Thomas came to see me for a few hours today which was nice.....(especially the goodies she bought me) But it was nice to have some company in the daytime too....Thanks Jo xxx


I have also been reading my new book by Sue Pemberton who runs a ME/CFS clinic in Leeds, and although I have only read a dozen pages or so it is very good.

It talks about how to use your energy etc....so where as when I've had a "good" day before I have done everything I possibly could do, where as what I should be doing is less and using my energy more wisely so I don't bust!

So before I would clean the flat completely this week I have split the jobs up, which is hard as I like to do everything as in hoover polish etc all at the same time, so on Monday I polished, Tuesday I hoovered and Wednesday I cleaned the bathroom.

I will be drawing up my own little rota to stick to each week to do this, a little each day, and teaching myself that I have achieved something instead of believing I haven't.....it will take time as even the book says you do not know your limitations until you try so I will pursue and try and find the best remedy for me.......I will keep you updated

I am still awaiting the results from the blood too...Will let you know when I do


Well Catch you all soon........

Today's pictures was taken in 2001 in Ibiza with my best mates..........We were at the Hoe Down which I recall was a fab night

Ginge xxx

What Have I been Doing?

Hello Again.........


How are we all??? Well I am happy to report I have a had a better few days, although I have still been dogged with fatigue and the horrid headaches...................


I went to the doctors again on Thursday, and they took some more blood, will get the results soon, they were interested in one part of the blood, but it may be a red herring so until I know for certain I am keeping it close to my chest, its nothing major and if there is a small issue it can be rectified.......I will reveal when the results are in..............

I went to see my best bud on Thursday too after the doctors, which cheered me up, I may not be able to do most things now, but managing a coffee with my best mate is always good, she makes me laugh and cheers me up, and so her her kids, they are all fantastic, and hopefully as long as I am okay, on her day off from work I will try and pop and see her each week, as being stuck in these four walls really does more harm than good.

You can start to feel shut of from the "real world" which is not healthy at all, and can lead to depression as you start to feel unloved etc....which is where I was at the beginning of this illness as I was scared to leave the flat if I'm honest, as I didn't know what was happening to me at the beginning........it was scary but now I know the common pains and feelings I get I am learning to deal with them as and when they come and not to be scared when they do come.

I was a bit gutted on Saturday as back in February I bought me and ferg tickets for the T20 cricket finals day at Edgebaston obviously I couldn't go and sold my tickets so when it was on the TV i was gutted but then thought hey one day I'll get better and if I cannot handle the 12 hours cricket marathon in future years the I will go and see the cricket when its just one T20 game which is only a few hours long.......I don't mind its just one thing I want to experience in life.

Also the footy season got under way and although my beloved Liverpool lost today I don't mind so much as I just love the game and happy that this will occupy some of my time again........I also got lucky on a coupon and got 7 result in and won over £100 which is always a bonus..:-)

So its Sunday night and the Sunday night before when I was working seemed to come round so fast and signalled the end of the weekend, well for me at the minute its just another day..........I know people are like oh no Sunday night........I will be so happy to get that feeling back I can tell you and also the "FRIDAY" feeling which I have lost as all my days seem to be the same..........but lets not get down about that.............

So I be back in a few days.......maybe with some news from the blood tests.............fingers crossed............

Today's picture was taken in Nov 08 my last night on the town, picture are my best mate Dawn, Tracy and her hubby Phil.....They are all great friend who always make me laugh.............x


Catch ya soon...........Ginge xx

Nothing doing much...........

Helloooooo

How are we all people..........? Well I have to report I haven't done much since my last post, just been trying to rest as much as possible.........

Its typical just as the weather gets nice, but there will be other sunning days I'm sure, even if they are few and far between...

We did go for a little drive on Sunday to see my brother-in-laws fishery just past Ecceshall, its really quite lovely and when I feel a bit stronger we shall go out there again to fish........Ive just ordered a new fishing chair that will give me some more support that the one I have...............

We then drove to Milford with the intention on having an ice cream, but the Barley Mow looked appealing and I have a couple of cheeky shandies.............I love shandy in the sun.....so refreshing, I started to get tired so we only stayed out a couple of hours (even for me to get pink shoulders!)

I did start to feel a little grumpy yesterday, not sure why, maybe just one of those days, people talking about holidays etc......and me wishing it was me, I am going to try and have a night or two away soon, as these 4 walls do not entertain me much......I think it was just a combination of feel really under the weather that got the better of me, but I managed to come out of it quite quick which is always good....

I also think even if I wasn't ill I would have down day's as no-one can be happy as larry every day (whoever larry is!) so I just saw it as though it was one of my entitlements........

The headaches has eased the last day or so which is always nice, I think this is the worse pain I get, they really slow me down, I also hate it when my lymph nodes swell, its not so much the pain with those, it is just very uncomfortable, like I have a tennis ball wedged in my throat.......................I tend to lie flat when this happens as that makes it a little more bearable...........

Oh well onwards and upwards..........as they say...............this illness may limit my physical side but i will not let it take my humour and my spirit....although it probably looked at that and thought....."Who'd want that anyway"......


Well...time for another rest.......and all day tomorrow, I'm going to try and see my best buddy in Thursday...........then off to the doctors again........

Enjoy the sunny days............Today's picture is me fishing in Mexico last year.........Great fun............xx


Catch ya soon Ginge..........xx

Feeling Pooped.............

Hiya Guys............How are you all.........?

Well to say I had an off week is an understatement...............I suppose I've been quite lucky recently as I've not been too bad but BANG it has it been hard this week

It maybe all the outings I had at the weekend and then the lumbar puncture on Tuesday and the cricket hasn't helped!!! Oh well at least the footy has started again now..........

My back from the lumbar puncture has been sore all week and is only now starting to feel okay again, I've been really fatigued this week where even making a drink has exhausted me, so needless to say I have been resting up again.

I have had the most terrible headache the last 3 days, it feel like someone is crushing it again and the pain crushes across the bridge of my nose too, and I have been having ear ache, the ear ache comes and goes though usually when the head ache feels worse.

I don't think I'll be doing much else the next few days bare resting, where as before I'd try and work through now I know I must stop and rest otherwise it'll get worse and I will regret it then.

I had another letter of the hospital the other day, they want some MORE BLOOD!! That must be about 50 tubes they have had this year, maybe I'm donating without realising.......lol

They want some more to test for muscle enzymes, I shouldn't complain really as they are being so very thorough and it will all hopefully eliminate anything else.

So I've spent a lot of time reading, just finished another Tess Gerritsen book, I think she is an awesome writer and I have enjoyed all her books I've read to date, I've now picked up Paul McGrath autobiography which a nice colleague at work lent me along with Lewis Hamilton so they will keep me occupied for a while, and I've also ordered yet another book on CFS/ME by a women called Sue Pemberton (I think) who runs the ME centre in Leeds which has an awesome reputation and this book is fab by all reviews so I just waiting on that delivery.

So I'll be off to my GP on Thursday for the blood and a catch up with him, havent seen himin 4 weeks so I must pay a visit.....and renew my sicknote...........:-)

So just a short blog today to let you know I'm still here but just a little unwell at the minute but my spirits are still high.......which is an improvement on the last few months...........

Today's picture was taken on Thursday just gone and it was the sun setting...............the sky looked unbelievable........


Catch ya soon...........Ginge x

Mad 5 days..........................I went out!

Hi Guys

Sorry I have not blogged for a few days, I've had a few technical issues.........well where do I start...the last 5 days have been crazyyyyyyyy!

I'll start with Saturday, I woke up feeling quite good having rested for a few days and decided I wanted to tackle Tesco...I haven't been able to get round the place for 6 months but I just felt ready to again, in the last 6 months I have managed one aisle so I was hoping for a little more and we didn't nee our usual shop just some odds and sods.....(yeh £40 later..hmmmmm!)

Anyhow I did it I actually got round, when I did it I didn't know whether to laugh or cry I was so over the moon, it had been a huge stumbling block for me the last few months like a Nemesis, I'd almost become scared of the bloody place.......but I did it and even though my body ached and I just wanted to sleep on the way home I was so proud of myself...........

I just hoped that I hadn't knackered myself up for going out Saturday night as a charity quiz and disco was taking place and I so wanted to go, the afternoon did not look too good, rain outside and after having a soak in the bath and a spot of lunch an afternoon nap was necessary I woke up and couldn't decide what to do, but in the end I took the plunge and after ANOTHER bath I got myself ready and made the trip out.

I'm so glad I did I saw family and friends I haven't seen in months and they were so understanding and welcoming of me which I knew they would be but to receive it first hand it was great, I admit I was completely shattered just getting there and the 4 ciders I had reallytipped me over the edge, but it was a great night with a lot of money raised for a fantastic charity and even though I knew I was going to pay for it then so be it, when I can go out I will, by doing this I am learning my limitations and will know next time maybe I need to leave earlier than I did or not drink 4 ciders, but I believe this is all part of it, How do I know unless I try? Its so hard to know sometimes what to do for the best.........and this way I'll learn how to mange it more effectively

So Sunday was all about resting and I did just that, I was absolutely shattered...........so not much else to say about Sunday...........apart from I slept

Monday I woke up feeling okay, and decided to go fishing..............WOAHHHHHHH Bad move!!!

Within 2 hours I felt really unwell, dizzy, tired, headache, swollen lymph nodes so Ferg made a hasty pack up job and I had to come home to bed...........I know deep down I shouldn't have gone, too much in a few days...........but I know now at the minute the limitations I have, you may read this and thing STUPID STUPID GIRL but like I just said its so hard when you feel good then within minutes BANG! You fall back down again.......I will learn in time.............

I knew with the hospital today I shouldn't have............

So the wonderful lumbar puncture today, my appointment was at 2:15pm.....and to say I was nervous was an understatement................I had a million horrid thoughts in my head......

I got to stoke at about 1:10pm.....early I know but when I'm nervous I have to just get there, The nurse was fab though as were all the staff, Stoke hospital is miles above Stafford, I have always been fine when I've gone to Stafford but with Stoke you can see differences.

She explained the procedure in full, and it didn't seem so bad, I think what I googled the procedure has moved on, they use different needles that prevent a headache afterwards, and the staff just made me feel so at ease saying that if I wanted it to stop they would etc....

So I curled on the bed in the foetal position whilst he anaesthetised the lower of my back, I only felt a tiny scratch on my back and then the nurse completed the procedure no longer than 10 minutes in all, I felt absolutely nothing............afterwards I had a nice cup of tea and by 2:15pm I was all ok to go home........the blood he took afterwards hurt more

So I'm in bed now and the anesthetic is wearing off my back and the pain is horrid I just cannot get comfy......but it'll be worth it I'm sure....when fingers crossed the results will come back ok.........

So that's my 5 days................Phew..............so the next few days I will be resting as my body is telling me to, and my heads aches, lymph nodes swollen and I'm so tired but soooouncomfy..........

Oh well the joys of being ill................I still have my sense of humour though......it cannot take that away from me!

Today's picture is from Saturday night.....me and the lovely Ferg.......xxx

Catch ya soon.........Ginge..xxxx

New Medicine?!?!?

Hi All

Sorry I am not wrote for few days thought I would save it all for now.....teee heee

So what have I been upto, well I managed to get over the weekend just about.....and on Monday night my Uncle Steve and Lauren paid a surprise visit to me which was fab.......

They stayed for a couple of hours and we have a good chit chat and a laugh too, as you never know what's gonna come out of Steve's mouth sometimes but they both certainly cheered me up and it had nothing to do with the chocolates they bought me (honest!!) But seriously it was good to see you both and thanks again for coming

I woke up on tuesday morning feeling a lot brighter again, and although I don't want to jinx it I do seem to be having more good day than bad days at the moments and I think its a combination of me using my body more to do things such a housework and cooking, although I am pacing myself so where as before cleaning the flat would be an hour or so, it takes me longer as I will now polish one room, and rest, hoover then rest etc etc.......

It takes longer but I am actually doing something and at the minute I'm in no rush to get things done, it was only a month or so ago when Ferg was having to make my dinner each day before he went out as I couldn't but now I am making my own dinner on a regular basis, I know when you read this you may again think "Oh My God" but seriously this is my life at the minute and just being able to do little thinks is so moral boosting for me.

I haven't slept in the afternoon for a few days either, I have felt like it but when I have tried I have struggled to fall sleep which is frustrating but I am sleeping quite well in the night so I cannot grumble too much.

I went to town again yesterday, only to two shops as we just needed a few bits and bobs but again it felt good that I managed it without too much difficulty but I didn't push myself to far, I'm not too sure at the minute where the boundaries lie on what I can and cant's do so it's more of a suck it and see, I am in the comfort that if I do over do it, then I know I need to rest to fully recharge myself.

I am now drinking some Aloe vera juice 3 times a day as I have read that it is good for ME/CFS sufferers, so Ferg got me some from the health shop, it does not taste that great but sod it I will drink it, obviuosly it will take a while to see if this new "Medicine" works but will keep you updated.............!

So that's what's happened for the last few days in my life............today though rain permitting I will be watching the 3rd test match in the Ashes series and I hope its as good as the last one with the same result and maybe my mood is lifting as the football season will again soon be upon us.......................YEAHHHHHHHHH!!!

Oh and I am trying to rest up and save my energy to go out on Saturday night to a quiz/disco which will be raising money for a good cause in memory of a good man that passed away last year so I hoping even if it's for a couple of hours I will go.

Today's picture was taken last year and this was one of the 1st fish I caught :-)

Catch you all soon..............Ginge xx

Did I See Sunshine ?!?!?

Monday Monday...................bluessssssssssssss

Hope you all had a fab weekend...........I've had a mixed one really so I start at the beginning....(its always best!)

As the weather forecast was good for Saturday and bad for Sunday we decided to go fishing on Saturday....and for once the weather forecast was spot on............

We set off early at 7am and headed towards a new pool for us at Adbaston..........and it was lovely, the pool was on a farmers field and it was so clean neat and tidy..........and very peaceful, (I could have fell asleep!) When we got there there were only a few more people fishing and that is how it remained all day.

The sun shone, I had to get the suncream out...as you know these little gingers burn...and I felt really good and relaxed after a few rough days before hand......I took some pictures which I have not transferred yet from my phone to show you but I will soon.......

I caught about 30-40 fish the biggest being about 1lb so no clonkers for me this week, but still enjoyable anyhow..........I started to get very tired about 3 ish so we called it a day then a set of back home, had a lovely soak in the bath and finished the day with a Chinese..........

Saturday night I started to feel quite unwell, I have not felt like this for some time, I felt dizzy, extremely fatigued and achy.......maybe the sun took its toll....

I slept about 14 hours waking up about 8ish on Sunday morning had a slice of toast but felt really poorly still, I was very nauseous, head aches, my body felt like it had been hit time and again with a sledge hammer I knew I was going to have a bad day........so I decided that sleep was the answer and drifted off again until a quarter to 1.........

I woke still feeling the same so decided the best place for me was bed all day...........I did help with the Sunday lunch though as I have said before I always want to do something even if its small.

I had a long soak in a radox bath but nothing was helping, the pleasing thing though I didn't get down about it which is what I would have done in the past...I thought well I had a good day yesterday I just have to take the rough with the smooth, so I ate my Roast chicken lunch and rested in bed hoping that this morning would bring some better fortune

It has done, today I still feel a little yuk, but not as bad as yesterday so I have changed the bed sheets, hoovered and polished and done the washing............not all at the same time....I know I'm good but come on...:-)

I took plenty of rest in between and had myself a nice shower afterwards then promptly got myself back lying on my bed to try and recharge myself again...

So at the minute I am 50/50 I just cannot make up my mind can I.............oh well onwards and upwards as they say


Today's picture was taken in Novemeber 2008 about a month before I started to feel unwell, its me and my Unkee Markee who always gives me sound advice and words of support and I just really like this picture........xxx :-)

See you soon guys......Love Ginge xxxx