I just feel so frustrated today.........................

Hi Guys...........

How are we all..........? I'm not too bad, haven't been all singing all dancing this past week, but not been stuck in bed either.....

I managed to go out to the pub with Ferg and his Dad on Saturday afternoon, only for a few hours but it was nice, and then again on Sunday but this time only for half hour to my nephews party...........arghhhhhhhhh screaming kids....(and that was just the adults.....;-)

Apart from that I haven't done or it seems that I haven't done much, which may be the reason today I am feeling so frustrated...............

I haven't had a day like this for a long time, but I just want to do something anything but I have no energy......I sit surfing the net, flicking the TV channels, pick my book up, put my book down, make a coffee sit up, lie down.........arghhhhhhhhhhh I just want to scream............I'm not down or sad or depressed about it, just maybe angry that I feel so restricted. I don't want to feel like this it is just today I cannot snap out of it..........

So instead of letting steam of wrongly and getting even more frustrated I though it would be best I wrote here...............

I am not even feeling sorry for myself, I think its just a crazy day and I cant settle to even watch a film even music is peeing me right off today.............

I feel like I have lots of energy (although I am very tired).......god I even driving myself up the wall today...........my body feels all tense, its all very strange.............I hope it passes soon................

On a positive note I have started to brake up the housework and spread it across more days..........I'm not if that is why I am feeling like I am..........but I will stick at it as I am sure given time it will work, and I will be able to keep my energy levels balanced rather than run the battery flat and then trying to recharge for days on end............

You may be thinking tell the doctor about how your feeling.........but I have to be careful as I know exactly what he will say...."Anti Depressants" Now if I felt like this all the time then maybe that would be an option but I am only getting this the odd day and less and less often..............and I'm sure in a few hours or tomorrow I will be fine again...........

Maybe it's because Big Brother is ending next year, or Liverpool's appalling start to the new season............or I have ran out of coco pops.............oh I don't know

I am allowing myself to have this day though......I think even if I wasn't ill I would have days like this......

Anyhow rant over.............I don't want to bore you too much.............so I'll put so music on again and pick up my book again..........

Maybe after I've had some lunch I'll feel different...................

Today's picture is an old one from when I was in the army and trying on my uniform for the first time.......11 years ago!!! My god time flies...................


Catch ya soon, and hopefully I'll be in a better mood........Ginge xxxx

Learning..................

Hi guys

How you all been? I've not been too bad, had my moments but all in all a better few days although I'm still not 100% and firing on all cylinders...

Anyhow on my last blog I forgot to tell you my great news.....My pals from the Army were having a reunion this year which I had planned to go on, but had to let them know that I couldn't due to this bloody illness, so last week Charlie (one of the girls) let me know that they had all got together and decided that if I couldn't make it to London then they would all come to Stafford, to say I was speechless is an understatement. I am so amazed at what is being done for me, I just cannot thanks my friends enough, I have not seen them for almost 10 years and to do this well........SHOCKED and OVERWHELMED.....Thanks Guys x

The last couple of days I've been having some funny laughs after digging out some old pics, and placing them on facebook, (I will be so unpopular) but never mind, I have bought some albums to as my photo's are just lying around I though its the perfect opportunity whilst I'm off work to sort them out and make some nice albums out of them.......I have had some great times with family and friends and I am sure there will be many more.

Talking of photo's I took some of the sun setting two weeks ago as the sky was the reddest and prettiest I have ever seen, and quite light heartily I sent it to the local newspaper, The Staffordshire Newsletter but heard nothing back so I thought nothing of it, until I bought the paper today and my picture had been printed on the editors page.....I have been laughing about it all day......I just cannot believe it..........made my day, well that and the fact my eldest sister and son Thomas came to see me for a few hours today which was nice.....(especially the goodies she bought me) But it was nice to have some company in the daytime too....Thanks Jo xxx


I have also been reading my new book by Sue Pemberton who runs a ME/CFS clinic in Leeds, and although I have only read a dozen pages or so it is very good.

It talks about how to use your energy etc....so where as when I've had a "good" day before I have done everything I possibly could do, where as what I should be doing is less and using my energy more wisely so I don't bust!

So before I would clean the flat completely this week I have split the jobs up, which is hard as I like to do everything as in hoover polish etc all at the same time, so on Monday I polished, Tuesday I hoovered and Wednesday I cleaned the bathroom.

I will be drawing up my own little rota to stick to each week to do this, a little each day, and teaching myself that I have achieved something instead of believing I haven't.....it will take time as even the book says you do not know your limitations until you try so I will pursue and try and find the best remedy for me.......I will keep you updated

I am still awaiting the results from the blood too...Will let you know when I do


Well Catch you all soon........

Today's pictures was taken in 2001 in Ibiza with my best mates..........We were at the Hoe Down which I recall was a fab night

Ginge xxx

What Have I been Doing?

Hello Again.........


How are we all??? Well I am happy to report I have a had a better few days, although I have still been dogged with fatigue and the horrid headaches...................


I went to the doctors again on Thursday, and they took some more blood, will get the results soon, they were interested in one part of the blood, but it may be a red herring so until I know for certain I am keeping it close to my chest, its nothing major and if there is a small issue it can be rectified.......I will reveal when the results are in..............

I went to see my best bud on Thursday too after the doctors, which cheered me up, I may not be able to do most things now, but managing a coffee with my best mate is always good, she makes me laugh and cheers me up, and so her her kids, they are all fantastic, and hopefully as long as I am okay, on her day off from work I will try and pop and see her each week, as being stuck in these four walls really does more harm than good.

You can start to feel shut of from the "real world" which is not healthy at all, and can lead to depression as you start to feel unloved etc....which is where I was at the beginning of this illness as I was scared to leave the flat if I'm honest, as I didn't know what was happening to me at the beginning........it was scary but now I know the common pains and feelings I get I am learning to deal with them as and when they come and not to be scared when they do come.

I was a bit gutted on Saturday as back in February I bought me and ferg tickets for the T20 cricket finals day at Edgebaston obviously I couldn't go and sold my tickets so when it was on the TV i was gutted but then thought hey one day I'll get better and if I cannot handle the 12 hours cricket marathon in future years the I will go and see the cricket when its just one T20 game which is only a few hours long.......I don't mind its just one thing I want to experience in life.

Also the footy season got under way and although my beloved Liverpool lost today I don't mind so much as I just love the game and happy that this will occupy some of my time again........I also got lucky on a coupon and got 7 result in and won over £100 which is always a bonus..:-)

So its Sunday night and the Sunday night before when I was working seemed to come round so fast and signalled the end of the weekend, well for me at the minute its just another day..........I know people are like oh no Sunday night........I will be so happy to get that feeling back I can tell you and also the "FRIDAY" feeling which I have lost as all my days seem to be the same..........but lets not get down about that.............

So I be back in a few days.......maybe with some news from the blood tests.............fingers crossed............

Today's picture was taken in Nov 08 my last night on the town, picture are my best mate Dawn, Tracy and her hubby Phil.....They are all great friend who always make me laugh.............x


Catch ya soon...........Ginge xx

Nothing doing much...........

Helloooooo

How are we all people..........? Well I have to report I haven't done much since my last post, just been trying to rest as much as possible.........

Its typical just as the weather gets nice, but there will be other sunning days I'm sure, even if they are few and far between...

We did go for a little drive on Sunday to see my brother-in-laws fishery just past Ecceshall, its really quite lovely and when I feel a bit stronger we shall go out there again to fish........Ive just ordered a new fishing chair that will give me some more support that the one I have...............

We then drove to Milford with the intention on having an ice cream, but the Barley Mow looked appealing and I have a couple of cheeky shandies.............I love shandy in the sun.....so refreshing, I started to get tired so we only stayed out a couple of hours (even for me to get pink shoulders!)

I did start to feel a little grumpy yesterday, not sure why, maybe just one of those days, people talking about holidays etc......and me wishing it was me, I am going to try and have a night or two away soon, as these 4 walls do not entertain me much......I think it was just a combination of feel really under the weather that got the better of me, but I managed to come out of it quite quick which is always good....

I also think even if I wasn't ill I would have down day's as no-one can be happy as larry every day (whoever larry is!) so I just saw it as though it was one of my entitlements........

The headaches has eased the last day or so which is always nice, I think this is the worse pain I get, they really slow me down, I also hate it when my lymph nodes swell, its not so much the pain with those, it is just very uncomfortable, like I have a tennis ball wedged in my throat.......................I tend to lie flat when this happens as that makes it a little more bearable...........

Oh well onwards and upwards..........as they say...............this illness may limit my physical side but i will not let it take my humour and my spirit....although it probably looked at that and thought....."Who'd want that anyway"......


Well...time for another rest.......and all day tomorrow, I'm going to try and see my best buddy in Thursday...........then off to the doctors again........

Enjoy the sunny days............Today's picture is me fishing in Mexico last year.........Great fun............xx


Catch ya soon Ginge..........xx

Feeling Pooped.............

Hiya Guys............How are you all.........?

Well to say I had an off week is an understatement...............I suppose I've been quite lucky recently as I've not been too bad but BANG it has it been hard this week

It maybe all the outings I had at the weekend and then the lumbar puncture on Tuesday and the cricket hasn't helped!!! Oh well at least the footy has started again now..........

My back from the lumbar puncture has been sore all week and is only now starting to feel okay again, I've been really fatigued this week where even making a drink has exhausted me, so needless to say I have been resting up again.

I have had the most terrible headache the last 3 days, it feel like someone is crushing it again and the pain crushes across the bridge of my nose too, and I have been having ear ache, the ear ache comes and goes though usually when the head ache feels worse.

I don't think I'll be doing much else the next few days bare resting, where as before I'd try and work through now I know I must stop and rest otherwise it'll get worse and I will regret it then.

I had another letter of the hospital the other day, they want some MORE BLOOD!! That must be about 50 tubes they have had this year, maybe I'm donating without realising.......lol

They want some more to test for muscle enzymes, I shouldn't complain really as they are being so very thorough and it will all hopefully eliminate anything else.

So I've spent a lot of time reading, just finished another Tess Gerritsen book, I think she is an awesome writer and I have enjoyed all her books I've read to date, I've now picked up Paul McGrath autobiography which a nice colleague at work lent me along with Lewis Hamilton so they will keep me occupied for a while, and I've also ordered yet another book on CFS/ME by a women called Sue Pemberton (I think) who runs the ME centre in Leeds which has an awesome reputation and this book is fab by all reviews so I just waiting on that delivery.

So I'll be off to my GP on Thursday for the blood and a catch up with him, havent seen himin 4 weeks so I must pay a visit.....and renew my sicknote...........:-)

So just a short blog today to let you know I'm still here but just a little unwell at the minute but my spirits are still high.......which is an improvement on the last few months...........

Today's picture was taken on Thursday just gone and it was the sun setting...............the sky looked unbelievable........


Catch ya soon...........Ginge x

Mad 5 days..........................I went out!

Hi Guys

Sorry I have not blogged for a few days, I've had a few technical issues.........well where do I start...the last 5 days have been crazyyyyyyyy!

I'll start with Saturday, I woke up feeling quite good having rested for a few days and decided I wanted to tackle Tesco...I haven't been able to get round the place for 6 months but I just felt ready to again, in the last 6 months I have managed one aisle so I was hoping for a little more and we didn't nee our usual shop just some odds and sods.....(yeh £40 later..hmmmmm!)

Anyhow I did it I actually got round, when I did it I didn't know whether to laugh or cry I was so over the moon, it had been a huge stumbling block for me the last few months like a Nemesis, I'd almost become scared of the bloody place.......but I did it and even though my body ached and I just wanted to sleep on the way home I was so proud of myself...........

I just hoped that I hadn't knackered myself up for going out Saturday night as a charity quiz and disco was taking place and I so wanted to go, the afternoon did not look too good, rain outside and after having a soak in the bath and a spot of lunch an afternoon nap was necessary I woke up and couldn't decide what to do, but in the end I took the plunge and after ANOTHER bath I got myself ready and made the trip out.

I'm so glad I did I saw family and friends I haven't seen in months and they were so understanding and welcoming of me which I knew they would be but to receive it first hand it was great, I admit I was completely shattered just getting there and the 4 ciders I had reallytipped me over the edge, but it was a great night with a lot of money raised for a fantastic charity and even though I knew I was going to pay for it then so be it, when I can go out I will, by doing this I am learning my limitations and will know next time maybe I need to leave earlier than I did or not drink 4 ciders, but I believe this is all part of it, How do I know unless I try? Its so hard to know sometimes what to do for the best.........and this way I'll learn how to mange it more effectively

So Sunday was all about resting and I did just that, I was absolutely shattered...........so not much else to say about Sunday...........apart from I slept

Monday I woke up feeling okay, and decided to go fishing..............WOAHHHHHHH Bad move!!!

Within 2 hours I felt really unwell, dizzy, tired, headache, swollen lymph nodes so Ferg made a hasty pack up job and I had to come home to bed...........I know deep down I shouldn't have gone, too much in a few days...........but I know now at the minute the limitations I have, you may read this and thing STUPID STUPID GIRL but like I just said its so hard when you feel good then within minutes BANG! You fall back down again.......I will learn in time.............

I knew with the hospital today I shouldn't have............

So the wonderful lumbar puncture today, my appointment was at 2:15pm.....and to say I was nervous was an understatement................I had a million horrid thoughts in my head......

I got to stoke at about 1:10pm.....early I know but when I'm nervous I have to just get there, The nurse was fab though as were all the staff, Stoke hospital is miles above Stafford, I have always been fine when I've gone to Stafford but with Stoke you can see differences.

She explained the procedure in full, and it didn't seem so bad, I think what I googled the procedure has moved on, they use different needles that prevent a headache afterwards, and the staff just made me feel so at ease saying that if I wanted it to stop they would etc....

So I curled on the bed in the foetal position whilst he anaesthetised the lower of my back, I only felt a tiny scratch on my back and then the nurse completed the procedure no longer than 10 minutes in all, I felt absolutely nothing............afterwards I had a nice cup of tea and by 2:15pm I was all ok to go home........the blood he took afterwards hurt more

So I'm in bed now and the anesthetic is wearing off my back and the pain is horrid I just cannot get comfy......but it'll be worth it I'm sure....when fingers crossed the results will come back ok.........

So that's my 5 days................Phew..............so the next few days I will be resting as my body is telling me to, and my heads aches, lymph nodes swollen and I'm so tired but soooouncomfy..........

Oh well the joys of being ill................I still have my sense of humour though......it cannot take that away from me!

Today's picture is from Saturday night.....me and the lovely Ferg.......xxx

Catch ya soon.........Ginge..xxxx