Things are moving forward...........

Hello

I know its been nearly a week again, but I really don't want to bore you each day.......

So this week has flown by, its amazing how perception of time changes with the way you feel......when I'm having a bad day the days are so long and lonely yet when I feel good time flies....and on both days I could be doing the same.......hmmmmm

This week has been pretty much the same as last week although I feel I have done more with getting my body moving.....I did have a little off day on Wednesday, although I think I may have eaten some dodgy mushrooms as I was up in the night feeling very sick so I didn't sleep much either...so Wednesday was my day of rest...I was going to my mums's as my sisters and brothers go on a Wednesday and we have dinner but I just felt unwell so I was better off staying at home....

Thursday I was much brighter so it worked...I am slowly but surely listening to my bodies needs.........and I MUST continue to do this and go at MY pace that I am comfortable with.

I have this week been more careful with foods that I am eating and also trying to increase the B12 levels too, with a tablet and foods.......I had my bloods done yesterday so hopefully ion a week or so I will know more if its still low then who knows....I will keep you updated.....


I even had the Wii Fit out for 3 days this week doing some gradual exercises, I haven't felt too many ill effects although I was tired, so I will try every other day to do 15 minutes......and see if that helps.....

I start physio too on the 5th October for graded exercise, I am not sure what to expect but I sure will give it a damm good go.............! Its only down the road too which is good and my physio will be called Russell, I haven't met him yet but I'm sure we will get on just fine.....I am really looking forward to it as for the first time in a very long time I feel this could be it, although again I am going to be very careful as always as I know how bad a relapse can be....so its all about managing it, and not do what I want to do.....like the London Marathon!!! (as if)

So I hope you all have a good weekend, I plan on relaxing as next weekend its my Army reunion...so I need some energy for that and its only 2 weeks before my little holiday.......I can't wait to have seaside fish and chips......!


Today's pic is me and my special friend and hubby again...........this was taken a couple of weeks ago at Trenthams Monkey Forrest.......


Catch you all soon.......Love :FB xxxx

Just cant shake the tiredness off..............

Well Hello.............

I didn't realise it had been over a week since my last post...I must be busy......haha

Well I must say I feel like I am still improving and the headaches are getting less (touch wood) but I just cant seem to shake of the tiredness, I am still not sleeping in the day but I have had the occasional nap (20 mins or so) and this is only when the wave of fatigue is intense.......and normally I don't feel it build up it just BANG brick wall and its here..........

So I have had another appointment come through for the hospital to see the neurologist on the 19th November...the day after my 29th Birthday............no drinking for me then......I need a clear head......

I also had a letter come through with reference to my tests I have had, my lumbar puncture, EEG where fine most of my blood was fine but my ANA (something to do with anti-bodies are low) which may or may not be significant they will discuss and test further if need be at the hospital but its nothing to be overly concerned about for the minute and my B12 levels are low..........

So I am having on Thursday further bloods done to re-test my B12, I will give a brief description on this for you....B12 deficiency can cause some of the symptoms I have been experiencing although I am not pinning all my hopes on this...so I am trying to eat foods rich in B12 which is mainly animal products such as red meat, eggs, milk, marmite (good job I am a lover not a hater!) and I am taking a tablet supplement, it may be that my stomach cannot absorb the B12 so if this is not working and my level stays low, it may mean that I will have to have regular injections to help this, and then its a waiting game of whether this is what has been wrong with me or its plain and simple I have CFS.

In my last post I told you about the anti-depressants, that I was going to start taking, well I took the decision not to take them until I can get some resolve around this B12, like I said I am not pinning my hopes on this B12 but I feel if there is a slight chance then I do not want to take any tablets that may not be needed (if that makes sense) and I am seeing and other around me are seeing I am improving mentally and physically........although it is going to be a slow recovery and I must take my time in recovery to avoid any relapse like I suffered when I went back to work earlier on the year.

I am still trying to do some exercise each day until my physio appointment come through to get my body working again, and I am resting when my body starts to yell at me.........


I have booked my little mid week holiday at a Haven site in Mablethorpe, just outside Skegness so that should be fun, like I said I am just looking to relax in another environment as I doubt its going to be beach weather so just a few gentle strolls around locally will do me, and if hubby gets bored the park has its own fishing lake, something we both haven't done in about 6 weeks or so.

Well I promise next time not to leave my blog so long.............and I hope I can continue to improve...........

Thanks for reading and thanks for your messages of support.......

Today's photo is me and my nephew Louis........

See you all soon..............LFB xx

On the Mend???

WELL WELL WELL..............

Things are still looking well.............not 100% but 100% better than I have been..........

So I left you on sunday with the facts that I had been out for a while and felt different.....and here we are 5 days on and with a slight blip n Wednesday when I felt sorry for my own sad ass again and I still feel good.........

I went out for an hour or so on Monday to teh shops to get my Mum a birthday pressie for Tuesday, and then on Tuesday I went out for almost 2 hours and had lunch with my mum, 2 of my 3 sisters and 2 of my 5 nephews, and it was good....

I cannot remember the last time I did that, as in 3 days on the trot of going out, so it was aony an hour here and there but thats is alot for me if you have been reading this blog or speak to me often.

Dont get me wrong I have still had the headaches, but not always as intense and long lasting, and the fatigue is still present, but I am not wanting to sleep in the day like I did before, and I am sleeping through the night, a good 8-9 hours mostly.

I feel some of the old me is coming back to, where I want to go and do things, socilaise, shopping etc.....where as before looking back I was probably anxious to do those things because I was scared of being ill..........maybe I knew this but didnt admit it mainly to myself.

I have an appointment coem through to visit the neurologist too on the 19th November which is good, and I went to see my GP last night who suprised me with asking me if I wanted some more of some tablets.....the only tablets I take often are Omerprazole for acid reflux so when I questioned what tablets it turns out the neurologist has recomended I take amitriptyline which is an anti depressant............ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH was my 1st thought but the dose I take is to be 10mg going up to 50mg maximum if needed........so down the root of I dont want them etc etc........however if I was being treated for depression the dosage would be more like 100mg or so........

Anyhow some studies have shown the this tablet at this dosage each evening before bed can help with the pain ie Headaches I get so I have said before I will give anything a go, I will take them even though I have been reluctant before, I have spoken to others who suffer CFS and they have said that if helped them too with pain and sleep and just taking the edge of it..........and if I feel no benefit I can always stop taking them...........the downside is Alcohol is to avoided!! But being well again is more important.............

So I am going to start them tonight and I have to give it a couple of months I think as I may not see any benefits for a month, and if i react badly to them I will stop, but at least I know I have tried to help myself.


So today I have been to work for another review which went well, I feel more positive about things now (this is before the happy pills too!!) I do feel I will be able to work again and I have said before and will say it again.....Everyone at work who I have had some form of contact with over the 9 months have been fab, especially HR and my boss, they are very reassuring and also honest which helps, and in return I am honest with them about what I am doing etc......


I am also looking at booking a few days holiday for in about 4 weeks time, I feel I need to venture out of my bubble and get out of the falt too, I'm not planninga big adventure just a few quiet relaxing days in a caravan in Skegness.....again until I do things how will I know my limitations???


Last thing as I am aware this page is long.......When I got back from work I decided to start my own basic graded exercise by making use of Rowley Park which is at the back of my flat.......I went out on my own for the forst time in a long time, took a bottle of pop...and strolled around the park...taking a 25 minute chill on the benches watching the world go by and enjoying some sun......I went out for about an hour...walked for about 20 minutes......

I will continue to do this daily then gradually increase the amout of walking I do.............maybe this will help too......and if I feel that I cannot do it on my own I will wait and go in the evening with Ferg.......

So my legs are burning a bit now by the shock of that excercise so i am going to listen to some music and relax and loving the achievements I have done this week.........

Have a fab weekend all......I aim too............and we'll catch up next week.........

Todays picture is me and hubby agan in Mexico last October.......I think we were a tad tipsy in this picture...!


Love to all.......LFB....xx

Feeling Different..............?!?!?!

Hi Guys......I'm back again............!


Well I had to blog as today I am feeling quite different, I will try and explain if I can, but I just hope how I feel today is the start of something but I believe that I will control that.........

First things first though.......... Thursday night through to today I had the little rug rat pictured with me in today's snap......which was taken today the the town park....Yes I went out for over an hour!

He is a very cheeky happy chappie and although I couldn't do lots with him it was fun, he comes out with some stuff that makes you chuckle.......Kids are ace....although I am happy to hand them back when I've had enough....!

Ferg kept him occupied most of the time, playing on the X Box and the Wii, and took him town too......


Yesterday I spent most of the day in bed feeling really quite low and tired, and started looking at "Cures" on the Internet and one keeps coming up, ts quite controversial at the minute, its called "The Lightening Process" and says it cures 89% of the ME/CFS patients who do it......although its not on the NHS etc...and costs a staggering £560-£1000 depending on where you have the process done at.

Although is there ever a price for your health.....? I say not but when controversy surrounds it its a harder decision to make.
There is not a lot of stuff actually detailed on the Internet about the process I think they keep it a mystery due to the high fees they get from it, but basically its a 3 day "Training" course and from reading someone else's detailed blog its about training your mind......so whilst initially I was very excited by it and thought "Yes" I will splash the cash now I am not so sure.........it is believed to be a kind of self hypnotherapy that's the best way from this persons blog to describe it.

There are hundreds people who say there life is improved by it, but then there is the smaller percentage who it as not helped, which I know happens with anything, but can it really work, the people whose stories I've read include Austin Healey's wife (rugby player and Strictly come dancing man) and Esther Rantzen's daughter who was bed bound for 14 years, so surely they would be promoting a dodgy money making scam would they? But if this 89% cure was so good why is it not used in the medical profession??? Oh I just don't know what to think, the thinking is driving me crazy, but I am still awaiting further talks with the hospital so until then I will not be parting with any money.

Also there are reviews which say how fantastic lives are since they have done this process but no follow ups, only up to a few months....that is also playing on my mind........anyhow it is something to ponder but until I talk it all through with my GO and consultant I will not be doing anything............it all just hurts my small brain!

So today I tried to put some of what I read into practice, telling myself to stop looking at what I cannot do and to tell myself I have 2 choices and only I can make the choices..............I can feel ill and tired and low and just lie in bed or on the sofa or I can tell myself NO I wont be ill, I want to go out, I can go out and do things............and maybe it worked today.......I went to the town park, feed the ducks, walked probably for 45 minutes or more came home hoovered, and now I am feeling a little tired but I haven't used some of my muscles in a long time so maybe that's why too.........other than the fatigue I have not had any of the usual symptoms

Maybe today is just a lucky day where I have been more symptoms free, or maybe my thought process help.....according to the lightning process its to do with adrenalin and how you use that..........Anyway I do not know, so I will take each day as it comes, but if I start to have more days like today with what I am thinking then it can only be good......

I am not getting carried away by one day far from it as I know the fall can be huge and hurt alot, but I feel different in myself, maybe I have convinced myself I will never be better but I know that there can be light at the end of the tunnel.....like I said I'm not sure but I will keep riding this wave and ope and pray I get better, and can return to work and "normal activities" as without these positive thoughts I will just depress myself and that will not help with anything....

Maybe it was having my nephew for a few days and having someone else to care for took my mind away from being unwell.....I am not sure, but we will see..............

So that got that off my chest..............let the good days roll...............well I wont give up on hope.......xx

See you soon......LFB xxxx

Feeling Brighter Than Last Time...........

Hello..............Me again..........

Hope you all had a fab bank holiday weekend...........mine surprisingly was rather quiet, I used to so love Bank Hols weekend at it meant one thing....PUB BEER SMASHED!!!

I will have one like that again soon, I insist! But for now its all about rest......

I am feeling brighter than my last post, sorry if that depressed you, it depressed me, thankfully it passed that day, I was just having one of those down in the dumps..please everyone feel sorry for me days.....But hubby came home and gave me a great big hug, told me I was letting anyone down and together we will get through this.....GOD I LOVE HIM SO MUCH....

So like I said I had a quiet weekend, just rested up really as I had some pretty awful headaches going on, and just need to lie down, I did manage to go out for an hour or so on Monday to the shops, but again the headache came and interrupted my outing so that was cut short........it really did feel like someone had whacked me hard in the back of the head and the pain went down my neck and into my shoulders, and no paracetamol was shifting it.

Yesterday was brighter to, I did a small amount of housework, we promptly then made me feel bad....grrr but I battled through and managed to complete what I wanted to do with rest in between just like my new book tells me to.....The book is excellent and already I know small things about how I am currently trying to manage to how I may manage that better, but it will take time, so I must learn to be a little more patient than I am at present.

I have been trying to get someone at the hospital too, as I want to know the outcome of my tests and when my physio will start.....I've had no response yet but I will keep trying......as you may well know "I am trying" lol

I just need some sort of closure to this now and for someone to give me a confirmed diagnosis instead of 99% that it is M.E/CFS....It is just hard for them to do, but I'll continue to wait and ask questions and seek the answers.......I have the time!


Today I went to my mums for a few hours, 2 of my sisters were there and my brother and it was fine, I wasn't feeling too good but I wanted to get out of the house for a bit but feel comfortable where I went so where else to go but my mums.....:-)

I am again though at that stage where I feel my battery is flat and will need a day or two to recharge so I will, I hope to read some more of my book to help, guide and support me and make some changes that could help me in future....


Today's picture is another of my wedding snaps as the day was perfect and the photo's always make me smile......:-)


See you all soon.................LFB xx