So Angry....SoTired........

Well What a bloody week its been.......I'm so upset, angry and tired at the minute, but I will try and explain in polite words why........

I am with no surprise not being paid by Argos anymore, even my SSP ran out, so I am claiming a benefit called Employment Support Allowance or ESA as I will now refer to it.
The benefit for the assessment phase is £65 a week, until you have a medical to determine then if you can get £89 per week.

You have to get 15 points at the medical to receive this, if you don't you can appeal or if you cannot return to work you can go on the dole......so I hope that briefly describes it....

If you do score 15 pts some people are put into a group where they will probably never work again other will be placed in the work support group which is where you are encouraged to return to work or maybe get a job that with your illness/disability you can do, and some training can be offered etc etc......

Well I had my medical last Wednesday 13th Jan, yes we left early to go to Wolverhampton in that snow...as didn't want to miss it, even though I was feeling like cack!!

I saw a nurse who seemed extremely nice and Ferg was with me in the room too, she went through the assessment asked me lots of questions, what can/cant you do etc...so I was honest, said I heavily rely on Ferg and family/friends to help me, that's Ferg does most of the cooking, cleaning, and even helps me to bath
Yes you see I rely on Ferg alot more than I probably let on to everyone...you see friends and sometimes family only see me on "Good Days" which are becoming less frequent at the minute as when I'm having a rough time like I have for the last 2 weeks I spend most of the time in bed or on the sofa....Now I'm not after sympathy this is just my reality.....

So I had this 40 minutes BASIC assessment....yes 40 minutes to assess me on how I have been in the last 13 months bodes well I know........and when I say basic it was "Turn your hands over" "Raise your arms"....all of this just once!

So I left and awaited the outcome hoping and praying I could get in at least the work support group.........Low and behold I got a letter on Friday to say I scored 0 yes zero nil zilch nothing.........and that if I could work then claim the dole or I could appeal........

OMG!!! I have never cried so much in all my life and it wasn't because of the money it just felt like the last 13 months hadn't happen that I wasn't believed.......I felt absolutely destroyed......

Lucky for me I use a very good forum where I feel I have made some good friends over the past 2 months, its called Foggy Friends, and they are always on hand for a laugh and chat and also so very good advice.
Of course I am appealing.....I just never thought it would be so hard....I suppose that the price people with real illnesses pay for some many years of others abusing the system and still do......and also some of the medical profession still refusing to believe this illness....I try not to get upset, angry and mad as it wears me out but its just so grrrrr!!!

So I requested straight away the appeal form..and also the copy of the medical report...they both came Saturday morning.......The report was somewhat correct but there were some exaggerations, and also some false info that I did not say and mis-interpreted......

I wont list it all for you but basically it said I was well kempt....Does this mean I should have turned up dirty? God I still have some dignity!!
I could open a door!! I could walk 10 metres and I could get things out of my small bag!!

Yes so this does really does mean I am fit for work.....can you believe.....nothing to state that after doing these tasks I'm completely knackered...nothing to say that I rarely make breakfast.dinner/tea.......
Oh but why would it!!???!!! As that would be the truth........Maybe I should go as a drug addict or alcoholic.....they seem to get more joy.....just makes me mad.....Would I really want to give up work, nice holidays, days out etc,,,,to have £89 a week in benefits....NO..........This illness is hard enough without having to fight things more.........

The the bit that made me laugh was...."I recommend that the a return to work COULD be CONSIDERED in 3 months"

What the hell......so I'm sick but not that sick yet I may return to work in 3 months?!?!?! I just don't get this sometimes!!

I mean this blog has taken me almost 4 days to write....I am just so damm tired at the minute.....I have gone back to sleeping in the day.....I should have gone into work twice but due to feeling really unwell, tired, weak, body aches I just couldn't manage it.....Thankfully Jayne is very understanding at work......and I feel under no pressure to go in at this stage......It must be frustrating for her too but I am thankful of how she has offered support through this and I tend not to worry about work at the minute.

So at the minute I am compiling my appeal...this is also a lengthy process, not only to do the appeal but I may not get a hearing for up to 6 months!! At least during this time they will still pay me some money.......Great yeh!! Oh and they don't even take anything from your own doctors or specialists........I LOVE THIS SO MUCH!!! not!

Anyway.....in the meantime for some company during the day Ferg agreed I could have a hamster....okay so Nando cannot talk, or do tricks, but at least I can talk to him and watch him run around the tubes in his cage like a mad man and roll in his ball on the floor for hours.....Nando is his name.....No not after the chicken place...Fernando Torres a Liverpool player of course...

So this will do for now.....I will keep you all updated on how things are and try to be a bit more regular with blogging........again!!

Thanks to all those who have sent message's of support I really appreciate it.....I will stay as strong as I can......

Today's pic is Nando........my furry friend!!

Thanks for reading.........Talk soon LFB xxxx

Just want things sorting..........

Hello Again....Its me!!

I think I have just about recovered from a bout of Man-Flu....damm it was horrible......I haven't had a cold like that in years....and with a poor immune system since having M.E it hit me harder than I thought.....But Beechams (well tesco's own brand!) saw me though and I survived it just about!

I'm not feeling like I'm in a good place at the minute, I think because I've been ill for a year I still feel I am no further forward than 12 months ago, although I know I've come along way I think I just need loose ends tying up one way or another as I'm ready to move on to the next chapter.

I have my first of 6 Pathways to work interviews on Friday at the Job Centre, The advisor Emma was very nice to be fair, after hearing some stories I was very weary but I needn't have been.
She explained about financial help I could get whether I returned to work or not and what benefits I could possibly get and also course I could go on to possibly train in another job that would not be as demanding. She is also going to keep an eye out for jobs from home that I cold possibly do maybe like data entry etc....

I felt happy when I left I left as I feel no pressure at all that I had to return to work and that I have top do any courses etc...which is good as at the minute I don't feel strong enough to do that, don't get me wrong some days I do but some days I don't and I don't think to many companies will allow flexi working as I may need it, and as she also said my health comes first.

If I could work I would.....

I have my ESA (that's employment and support allowance it replaced Incapacity Benefit) medical in the morning which I am a bit tentative about...I read in the paper that an M.E sufferer could pick a pencil of the floor so they declared her fit for work!!! I mean do these medical people at ATOS (that's the people who assess you on behalf of the claims dept) know anything!!! Anyhow I will go open minded and tell them what my life is like then they can make a decision.......Ferg will be with anyhow.

I hope then once all this is done I can then work out with Argos what the best outcome is (which I already know in the back of my mind) and move on with my life.....That's all I want, I'm not saying by these decisions everything will be fine but it will take the monkey off my back so to speak, I wont feel I'm in between things then, if that makes sense.

So I will update in a few days to let you know how my medical went......

Todays picture is one from Xmas Eve...Me and my nephew Louis pulling silly faces....

Take care speak to you all soon..........LFB xxx

Xmas-New Year and all that Jazz!!!!

Well....Okay Naughty me....not been blogging again.....Well it was Xmas didn't ya know!!

So here we all on in the Tennies or whatever they will be know as.....and whats changed? Not a lot.....but we shall give it time......

Well as you know my last xmas was a complete washout...I was hoping a praying that this year It would be better.....Oh and it was!!

We loaded up the car an took the 5 minute car journey on Xmas eve to my sisters, god she must have thought we were moving in!! I was so excited as I was feeling ok compared to other days I have.

We packed the kids to bed early after laying out Santa's mince pie etc....which Ferg ate!! Sorted out there presents and finally got into bed at 11pm.

I have not stayed at my sisters new house before and because of the strange surroundings I slept poorly, and was up at about 6am to see my 2 nephews excitidly open there presents.....I was feeling so tired I though OH OH...I'm not gonna last all day...........however as my mum was having dinner at my sisters and and I was going to go my nans and see my Dad when he got there too I only had to go my nans house on xmas day rather than the usual 3-4 house visits!!

I had some great presents, pants, socks, shower gel...lol.....and lots of books a book vouchers that will keep me busy for sometime...I had a xmas dinner this year too...last year I missed it all.....

I survived the day!!!! and I had a few cheeky drinks along the way!!

I slept like a log that night too......brilliant!! Boxing came and my sister again played host to the family........we had a buffet going on, with of course some alcoholic beverages and karaoke for the xbox........we had a fab day laughing, drinking and singing although I overdid it and was sick through alcohol!! Too much Too quick!! My own fault......I went to bed at half 9 with the room spinning!! But I HAD FUN!!! And to me that is all that mattered......I mean last boxing day Ferg had to call an ambulance to me.......!!

We stayed at my sisters until Monday.......Sunday was a day of rest...we had a lovely roast beef dinner at my mums.....then when we went back to my sisters I did have an afternoon sleep....well I had deserved it!!

The days in between Xmas and New Year I rested as I was feeling the effects of over indulgence, I did manage to nip into town and buy some books with the vouchers I had from my birthday and Xmas...so that will keep me occupied for a while.....

I also went to see my GP on NYE too, as my indigestion is still bad, he gave me some more tablets and some peptec and will refer me to see someone at the hospital about it, we also discussed my B12 injections......He said they will continue with them but once every 3 months.....I am quite concerned about that and spoke to him about my concerns but he said lets try it first and if I feel I need it monthly then maybe we can revert back to that.....I'm not convinced but what can I do.....I can break in the surgery and inject myself......so I am taking some tablets from holland and barrett to help.....I think they are helping but only time will tell..........will keep you posted!

So NYE came....and by 8pm I really thought I was gonna have to hit the sack....but a few shandies later I got that familiar drunk feeling and stayed up until 4am!!! I know MADNESS.....We had a family/friends party at my mums...beer and food.....I made a chicken and a beef curry...(I don't eat them) but they went down a storm........as did the beer!!

Yes I did pay for it, for the last few days but SO WHAT!!! I had the most fun I'd had in a year, and I would do it all again........although I ma not planning on pulling the same stunt every weekend!! But once in 12 months......Yes I can handle that!!!

Anyhow the next two weeks are busyish...........On Friday I have a Pathways to work interview at the job centre.....and the following Wednesday they are sending me to Wolverhampton for a medical!! Great fun! Also this week see's the last few days of my dog sitting duty........arhhh she even bought me a xmas pressie...so sweet....

So that Xmas and NY all done and dusted and I must say I enjoyed it.....even though I am knackered!!

This year I hope I will sort alot of things out in my life to enable me to move on and live with CFS/ME...........

Stay tuned for the next installment..........

Today's picture is me and my cousin drunk on NYE pretending to be Jedward!!

Happy New Year to you all

Catch ya soon..................LFB xx