So Angry....SoTired........

Well What a bloody week its been.......I'm so upset, angry and tired at the minute, but I will try and explain in polite words why........

I am with no surprise not being paid by Argos anymore, even my SSP ran out, so I am claiming a benefit called Employment Support Allowance or ESA as I will now refer to it.
The benefit for the assessment phase is £65 a week, until you have a medical to determine then if you can get £89 per week.

You have to get 15 points at the medical to receive this, if you don't you can appeal or if you cannot return to work you can go on the dole......so I hope that briefly describes it....

If you do score 15 pts some people are put into a group where they will probably never work again other will be placed in the work support group which is where you are encouraged to return to work or maybe get a job that with your illness/disability you can do, and some training can be offered etc etc......

Well I had my medical last Wednesday 13th Jan, yes we left early to go to Wolverhampton in that snow...as didn't want to miss it, even though I was feeling like cack!!

I saw a nurse who seemed extremely nice and Ferg was with me in the room too, she went through the assessment asked me lots of questions, what can/cant you do etc...so I was honest, said I heavily rely on Ferg and family/friends to help me, that's Ferg does most of the cooking, cleaning, and even helps me to bath
Yes you see I rely on Ferg alot more than I probably let on to everyone...you see friends and sometimes family only see me on "Good Days" which are becoming less frequent at the minute as when I'm having a rough time like I have for the last 2 weeks I spend most of the time in bed or on the sofa....Now I'm not after sympathy this is just my reality.....

So I had this 40 minutes BASIC assessment....yes 40 minutes to assess me on how I have been in the last 13 months bodes well I know........and when I say basic it was "Turn your hands over" "Raise your arms"....all of this just once!

So I left and awaited the outcome hoping and praying I could get in at least the work support group.........Low and behold I got a letter on Friday to say I scored 0 yes zero nil zilch nothing.........and that if I could work then claim the dole or I could appeal........

OMG!!! I have never cried so much in all my life and it wasn't because of the money it just felt like the last 13 months hadn't happen that I wasn't believed.......I felt absolutely destroyed......

Lucky for me I use a very good forum where I feel I have made some good friends over the past 2 months, its called Foggy Friends, and they are always on hand for a laugh and chat and also so very good advice.
Of course I am appealing.....I just never thought it would be so hard....I suppose that the price people with real illnesses pay for some many years of others abusing the system and still do......and also some of the medical profession still refusing to believe this illness....I try not to get upset, angry and mad as it wears me out but its just so grrrrr!!!

So I requested straight away the appeal form..and also the copy of the medical report...they both came Saturday morning.......The report was somewhat correct but there were some exaggerations, and also some false info that I did not say and mis-interpreted......

I wont list it all for you but basically it said I was well kempt....Does this mean I should have turned up dirty? God I still have some dignity!!
I could open a door!! I could walk 10 metres and I could get things out of my small bag!!

Yes so this does really does mean I am fit for work.....can you believe.....nothing to state that after doing these tasks I'm completely knackered...nothing to say that I rarely make breakfast.dinner/tea.......
Oh but why would it!!???!!! As that would be the truth........Maybe I should go as a drug addict or alcoholic.....they seem to get more joy.....just makes me mad.....Would I really want to give up work, nice holidays, days out etc,,,,to have £89 a week in benefits....NO..........This illness is hard enough without having to fight things more.........

The the bit that made me laugh was...."I recommend that the a return to work COULD be CONSIDERED in 3 months"

What the hell......so I'm sick but not that sick yet I may return to work in 3 months?!?!?! I just don't get this sometimes!!

I mean this blog has taken me almost 4 days to write....I am just so damm tired at the minute.....I have gone back to sleeping in the day.....I should have gone into work twice but due to feeling really unwell, tired, weak, body aches I just couldn't manage it.....Thankfully Jayne is very understanding at work......and I feel under no pressure to go in at this stage......It must be frustrating for her too but I am thankful of how she has offered support through this and I tend not to worry about work at the minute.

So at the minute I am compiling my appeal...this is also a lengthy process, not only to do the appeal but I may not get a hearing for up to 6 months!! At least during this time they will still pay me some money.......Great yeh!! Oh and they don't even take anything from your own doctors or specialists........I LOVE THIS SO MUCH!!! not!

Anyway.....in the meantime for some company during the day Ferg agreed I could have a hamster....okay so Nando cannot talk, or do tricks, but at least I can talk to him and watch him run around the tubes in his cage like a mad man and roll in his ball on the floor for hours.....Nando is his name.....No not after the chicken place...Fernando Torres a Liverpool player of course...

So this will do for now.....I will keep you all updated on how things are and try to be a bit more regular with blogging........again!!

Thanks to all those who have sent message's of support I really appreciate it.....I will stay as strong as I can......

Today's pic is Nando........my furry friend!!

Thanks for reading.........Talk soon LFB xxxx