Tis the season to be jollyyyyyyyyyy!!!!

Hello Again!!!

Hope your all well and settling in to the season of goodwill.........I'm just sat here waiting for a glimpse of snow.....apparently London have it......may soon be here!!! I hope for snow on xmas day...makes it feel that little more special doesn't it........

Well I suppose I best tell you how Im getting on...........quite well the last few days...and I suppose its not coincidence that it was injection day on Monday!! Oh How I am starting to love that B12 ribeana looking liquid!! even if just for a few weeks..........IT HELPS!! PLEASE LET ME HAVE MORE!!!!

Towards the end of last week I was really feeling poorly, I'm still having trouble with my digestive system.....so I will wait for a bit like the doctor said then if it continues I will go back.........I had the worst headache imaginable.......It seemed to have lasted days and days, I felt like someone had whacked me in the back of my head with a hammer, the only time I didn't feel it was when I was sleeping.

I have spoken to many sufferers and I am quite lucky with quality and quantity of sleep I get, some days its a fight to stay awake, but its worth it as I then sleep well at night, during the day when I do feel like I could drift off I just rest and let it pass by....Its hard but more beneficial.

Anyhow I've had the jab and although I don't feel it being as beneficial as the first one I had I do feel the benefits, I am not as tired, and I have less symptoms, the headaches ease and the body aches ease......Although not completely gone I find I can manage more.....I just hope the doctor see's it that way too....I suppose it doesn't help having a little cold hanging onto me either............

My immune system is so low as my antibodies are I just seem to pick anything up really quickly...........SO MUCH FUN!!

I cannot quite believe too that this weekend coming will be my 1 year anniversary of being ill......I don't think I will be celebrating that!! Although I do feel that in the last 12 months I have come along way.....I mean for months I didn't go out not even to the shops where as now once or twice a week I can manage that. Little by Little and day by Day I will beat this and if it takes time then so be it.....

The worse thing for me at the minute is my work situation.....Like I said work have been 150% amazing, I couldn't ask for anything else, I just hope that I can get back there, even part time maybe, although they and I am not putting ANY pressure on myself to, and if I have to leave then so be it.....I will concentrate on getting better or managing my illness better then look for some other employment.........who knows at the minute though.........

I am also dog sitting for my brother 3 days a week at the minute, as his usual dog sitter is on a holiday for weeks, its not demanding, I don't have to take Becca (that's the dog) for a walk, as my brother does that....my mum picks me up about 10.30 am.......and me and Becca just chill on the sofa watching DVD's (Prime suspect at the minute, WHY have I never watched this before its fab!) then Ferg gets me about 4.30pm and that me done.......its only 3-4 days of the week....and its only like being at home and I must say the dog is good company...she is soooo lovely too......I will upload a pic soon of her.

Xmas is also fast approaching and I still have to wrap some pressies.........I don't like this much......DAMM!!
Like I said previously last xmas for me and Ferg was a washout really.....ambulance on boxing day...lots of drama!! OMG.........So this year I aim to enjoy it all.......then rest for 12 months to get over it!!

Well that's ya lot for today......today's picture is my and my bestest mate....who came to visit me on Saturday and ate all my bloody biscuits!!

Take care Talk soon..........Love LFB xx

Weekend In Gretna Survived....Just !!

Hiya Guys and Gals.....How are we all?

Well in 2 words......IM KNACKERED!! So for a few days my body will again be in recovery mode...but it was sooooooo worth it, I survived my best friends wedding but only just!!

I have a little energy left so while I still remember what I have done the last few days I thought I best write it down.....although Loose women is interrupting this process...grrrr daytime telly I am becoming more sucked in to this life.....!

Anyhow I had the worst possible start to the weekend imaginable, I woke up on the Friday morning at 4am...and could I get back to sleep...NO....arghhhhhh sleep is so important to me and I usually sleep so well...but I did the worst thing possible on Thursday..I fell asleep as I spent most of the day in bed resting...I haven't slept in the day for a few months and it really makes a difference forcing myself to stay awake in the day in order to have some quality sleep in the night.....Oh well I thought cant do nothing about that.....

We set off on the mini about 10.30am.....and I just popped my MP3 player on....lay my head on my pillow and rested at the back of the mini bus up the M6.....we had a great journey to be fair, and arrived at Gretna about 3ish....missing out all the usual Friday traffic on the car park otherwise known as the M6...........when we got there though I felt sick...., like physically sick.....I don't think the latte I had from the service did me much good....so as soon as we had the key to the room I was in the loo being sick......hmmmmmmmmm great!

Friday night the gang had a few drinks in the bar, whilst I stayed in bed...rest and sleep was what I needed, and as I had made it this far I wasn't gonna miss Dawn's big day.

Saturday morning came and although I felt groggy I felt 100% better than the previous night....I went and ate breakfast and then showered and changed the wedding was at 11:30am.....OMG again though I was sick.....Great!!.......I did actually make it through the ceremony...oh it was great Martyn and Dawn both looked fab...in fact as Dawn entered the chapel then stood next to him I couldn't help but cry...what a wally!! No-one else was...I looked round and prayed I wasn't the only one....Oh well I must be getting sentimental in my old age!

We went on to have the meal...which about an hour after prompty came back up....not good!! all this food just not digesting...and I need food as my energy....argghhhh........I made it out on the night for a few hours like everyone else as we were all knackered...and once I'd had some Bacardi Breezers (yeh not great when you've been sick....but I just thought if I'm gonna be ill I'm gonna be ill regardless so what the hell!) I had some fun.......The journey home was good, again I just rested and we got back within 4 hrs...........I am really pleased I made it to my best mates wedding, as 6 months ago I just didn't think I would....I think also that my friends saw how ill and how quickly it can come on which in a funny way helped because although I tell them about it and they read this to see how I am and how quick this can shoot me down speaks louder than words, but all of them who were there were very supportive, and kept checking I was OK....again I may be ill but I am so blessed to have family and friends like mine......without them this illness could have taken me down a very depressing path and although some days I am down, one of them will say a few words and it picks me they are great....!

So the sickness thing...I had this trouble before and some tablets the doctor gave me helped, I went to see him again yesterday and he has given me some different ones to try and if this sickness continues he will refer me to have a endoscopy to make sure nothing serious is wrong with my digestive system......and if that isn't bad enough now I am claiming ESA (employment support allowance) as my SSP has ran out with work, which is hardly surprising....and while they are paying me a whole £65 oer week!! whoopieee they have sent me a form to fill in which I think I need a PHD for.....man its huge!!!! I've been filling it in for two days now....oh well...its embarrassing to.....claiming benefits...I just want to work.....for financial and social reasons........almost 12 months now Ive been ill......but anyhow I don't want to go down that road of sadness now as the festive/happy time of year for most of us is fast approaching.....at least I have managed to get every ones xmas presents (as I have some ££ saved) and most of the wrapping done..just a few more to wrap and I'm done

The tree went up yesterday....and I will be at my sisters for Xmas day...I am looking forward to it as last year I spent all day in bed and boxing day we had the ambulance out...its seemed so long ago but now xmas is fats approaching its seems all to recent now....strange...

Anyhow long post again and Im tired now....so like I said I think I need a few days recovery...and I have my next B12 on Monday so I'm hoping again that helps.........

Today's picture is me and Ferg at the wedding from the weekend, I really love this photo

Thanks for reading again and I will blog soon take care...........Love LFB xxx

In Memory Of Gayle...May you now find peace...

Hiya again.....

Well another week has flown by, I've not been up to much....but I have done some things......

Had a bit of a rough week or so if I am honest and not all of it lay with being ill, I have made some online friends through various forums/groups associated with CFS, one was Gayle Bradford, a lovely women who I never met from Northern Ireland, most days we'd have a chat and comment on status's via facebook.
Then one day last week as I was changing my bedsheets I thought of Gayle (because she had been saying how lovely her new winter duvet was) and realised that I hadn't spoke to her for a few days and I knew she wasn't feeling that great, so I thought I'll post her a message via facebook to see how she was......Imagine the shock when I go to her wall to see an announcement that Gayle had decided to end her own life....She had just turned 32. I cannot describe how upset I was, I think partly through shock to, I just couldn't believe it, I know Gayle was poorly, although I have now since found out she was also battling some personal and horrible issues too which may have made her decision to take her own life.

Although I never met her I feel I became close to her via our messages to each other, and I know we shared alot of songs choices in common too, I hope she has now found the peace she deserves, I will always remember Gayle and was honoured to have been a friend of hers...RIP Gayle

So this did fill me with sadness last week, and probably carried on for the remainder of the week, and probably contributed to me not feeling great....

I went to the doctors on Wednesday for another blood test for coeliac disease, and this may sound strange I hope that I do have it and this contributes as to why I am poorly, so I can then start a gluten free diet and hopefully sit back watch my body heal itself as it should do and be cured......alot to ask for I know.......but I wait in hope....I am awaiting the hospital to contact me with the results...........I will keep you all updated (that's if anyone does still read this!!)

On Friday I took a trip into work for a update on my illness/health review and I know that as I have more or less in total been off for 12 months or so some decisions will have to be made soon, we will await these results and my next trip to the hospital and take it from there, obviously there is a possibility I will have to leave and I will be truly saddened by this but I must be true to myself and also the company.......I know lots of people who work there slag the place off, but that is one thing I will never do, my friends there always give me well wishes, even before I was ill I have always found support within the walls there too......I have been there 9 yrs.....god knows how I lasted so long, but I feel part of the place, like alot of my growing up (and yes I still need to grow alot more!!) has taken place there.
I also went into the main part of the building whilst there something I haven't done since April, and I did feel sick and nervous as I did it, but it was nice to see some people and have a few brief chats.......made me realise that I do want to go back health permitted of course...but who know...one day at a time.....and I will do what i right for ME....no-one else....I will control my destiny, so we will see in the new year where I'm headed.

Well that brings me up to currently, and I am resting lots this week and taking 4 B12 tablets a day (I can take upto 5) although the docs say they don't work they are giving me a little bit extra....as its me best chumleys wedding this weekend in Scotland, we are going Friday, wedding is Saturday then travel back Sunday...I cant wait, 6 months ago I didn't think I would make it...but I'm so excited.....I was also sad last week as Saturday was her hen night and I didn't go, I knew it would be stupid if I did and be I'll from ill and being at the wedding is more important....I sent Ferg on the Stag do though, so at least one of went...:-)

So take care for now guys.....I will give you a full update on the results/how this weekend went etc.....

So on Wedding themes here's one from my special day

Catch ya soon...love lots LFB x