A year has passed since a friendship was made
Many have come not many have stayed
Friendship is built in many a ways
Our friendship I know is not just a phase
Laughter and tears we have shared it all
When I came over we had such a ball
Constant chatter over cuppa teas
Was very refreshing like a cool light breeze
I know in you I’ve made a friend for all time
You are defiantly my partner in crime
It won’t be long till our next meet
Having a laugh over the cake we shall eat
Illness is what brought us together
But in you I know I have a friend forever

You don’t have to see it to know that its real
Sometimes I think life gave me it’s raw deal
Why me I ask to no reply
The days I just sit here wanting to cry
A body that was once so fit
Broken and torn I now have to admit
I never knew anything could be so cruel
I’m waiting for the day it says April Fool
But sadly this illness is never a joke
It doesn’t care for all us folk
Some day’s it’s hard to see anything clear
We plod along in a very low gear
Putting on a mask to hide away
Wanting to join friends who are out to play
Though through this illness I’ve learnt a lot
To renew relationships I had once forgot

What did I want when I was growing up
A cat, a fish or even a pup
A life that was simple no worries or cares
Surely that would have been fair
A good education to get a good job
To be fit and active not becoming a slob
To find a nice man to spend all my years
To hold me close and forget any fears
To take nice holiday and bathe in the sun
To party with mates having so much fun
Gone are the days when I did that with ease
As my body became ill with a horrid disease
Try and stay positive to forget all my woes
And accept that my body is now mighty slow
But still I cannot take a smile of my face
As I know it could be worse in a more horrid place

What does this group mean to you?
Some light-hearted banter when you’re feeling blue
A place where you’re safe to share your fears
No-one here will laugh at your tears
It’s not just a place to talk of being ill
It’s the place to share your smallest of thrills
You can watch and read, comment and post
It’s not a place to brag or boast
A place for sufferers, carers and friends
A place you can come and you don’t have to pretend
A safe haven place for us all to be
What more could you want from A Better ME

What will make you smile today?
Money, fancy cars or a holiday away?
All of these will be nice for a while
But will they leave a permanent smile?
Are gifts the things that do it for you?
Take your time and think things through
Though sometimes I don’t like the thoughts in my head
Days like this I just want my bed
But will hiding away make all things better?
Not for me my face just gets wetter
So what things will make me smile today?
Friendships I know that are not far away

It’s not just today you have the thoughts in your head
And often think what may have been said
What would he look like? What would he do?
No doubt he would support all you’ve been through
When growing up there would have been fights
Then getting on well morning noon and the night
But he would have protected you like big brothers should
And give you a hug to make you feel good
You often go to the place where he is laid
The love that you feel will never ever fade
One day you will meet and a hug will be shared
He knows from watching you have always cared
You may not have met him and seem far apart
But he will always have a place inside of your heart

As I feel the tears stream from my eye
I look up above and think “oh god why”
There is no shame in shedding tears
Don’t be embarrassed in front of your peers
Tears are not always for upset and pain
Sometimes at happiness you remember again
Tears of joy, through laughter and fun
Through dancing around playing in the sun
Tears of upset, worry and woe
For the life that you have no had to let go
A sign of weakness it is not
We feel like we’re in a place that time just forgot
The last few days they just seem to flow
From real life events or a TV show
Nothing can stop it just let it all out
The tears that I cry, what’s that all about?

Looking through the window, what do I see?
People passing by, children giggling with glee
The trees looking bare shedding their leaves
Winter is setting in time to roll down your sleeves
The mornings are colder as frost starts to settle
Icicles hanging of all things that are metal
The daylight hours are less than before
Getting up in the dark becomes such a chore
Heating is on and warm clothing out
I don’t really fancy having a long walkabout
Staying indoors snuggled and warm
I like hiding away from a cold winter storm
Hot Chocolate is needed a hot water bottle too
You don’t want your body to start turning blue
But fear not my friends it will all soon pass
And spring will be here with nice fresh green grass….

The last 4 weeks I’ve been feeling good to fair
I even managed to do something with my frizzy hair
Spent a few days out with friends from afar
Driving around singing along in the car
I gave them lessons in making cuppa teas
I’ve never known girls to bicker like these
I’ve even been a bit hyper the last few days
The energy I had left me amazed
I even left the bed in my room
Making the most of this mini boom
Catching up with the TV I’ve missed
Adding a rash to the growing sick list
Though sadly today my body has slowed down
But with my friend Bundy I have no time to frown

Up before the alarm clock calls
I hearing the muttering from behind the walls
They say the sun is out its fine and dry
I look out the window not a cloud in the sky
I run downstairs and help pack up the car
A journey to make that is not to a far
Shorts and t-shirt, bucket and spade
Sunglasses and hat to give me some shade
The feeling of joy when my feet touch the sand
Building a castle with my own fair hands
Run to the sea on this hot summers day
Splashing around enjoying the play
Crisp blue waters warm like a bath
Hoping my life doesn’t stray from this pat
Sandwiches eaten, ice cream in my hand
The sun beating hard my skin is nice and tanned
Photos are taken and memories are made
We stay till the evening when the sun starts to fade
Strolling back to the car with a smile on my face
I hope it’s not long till I return to this place

The thoughts in my head whizz around all day
Why can’t I just get them to stay away?
I don’t know what they mean or what imp to do
I just wish they would give some kind of clue
My heart weighs heavy is this grief
Who stole my life come back here you thief
You play with my thoughts feelings and touch
Someday for me it all gets too much
I’m begging you know just please let me go
I’m fed up now of putting on a show
I just want to be free and let it all out
Stand on the roofs and give a huge shout
I feel like I have lost all of control
I’m falling deeper inside the black hole
Is there some light I can see at the end?
I just want to cry I just can’t pretend
I know tomorrow the day may seem bright
But as today goes on I have lost all my fight

More Tests To Be Had

Hellooooooo

Well I've had a busy few days recently so I will try and keep it brief and explain whats happened.

On Friday I had my 2nd Pathways to Work interview, now this will be brief as I learnt nothing new, basically it went over the 1st interview, briefly touched upon my 0 points from the ESA medical, explained my current work situation and within half an hour I was home......
I have another one at the end of this month, although given some current circumstances which I wont go into at the moment it could be worthwhile.....(This is all to do with work by the way!)

I was quite knackered to be fair over the weekend....as on Wednesday I had my hair cut, had lunch at my Mum's and then spent a good 4-5 hrs at my best mate's house....and I think then with having the interview over the weekend I felt it.

As we all know I have a fantastic husband and he just left me to rest, and he did the cooking etc over the weekend.

Yesterday I went to the hospital to see the Gastro Consultant about my stomach acid and constant indigestion/heartburn etc.....as expected I am to hopefully in a few weeks have an endoscopy (camera down my throat) and also a scan on my liver/gallbladder to make sure that is all ok too.
The consultant was very good, very thorough in his questions and listened carefully to my replies and what I had to say, so lets hope these tests come soon, and if there is a problem it can be fixed.

I also had my B12 injection yesterday, pretty painless apart from slight arm ache after it, today as normal I feel a bit tired after it, and last night I had mad dreams...which I always do too, the night of the injection, but I am hoping given a day or two I will feel the benefits from it.

This weekend I have friends coming round for some drinks/food.....Now I have been of alcohol and take-aways for lent...but one day with a few drinks isnt all that bad is it??? I mean I have done 2 weeks and that is a big achievement for me......I was even tempted to get some chippy chips yesterday but stayed strong and declined........Surely one night isnt going to be that bad........I think I deserve it

I am looking forward to it too...so I am gonna take things easy for the next few days so I will have some energy for Saturday!!!!


So today's picture is of those crazy friends of mine that are coming!!! These guys are great!!!

I have used this picture before but I love it!!

Thanks for reading again!!!! I will blog soon......take care love LFB xx

Saving Energy...Appts Coming

Hello All

Well....Not a great deal has happen this past week or so........

Details on the house move are the council have said I could have a house as only me and ferg...but I could have a 2 bed flat?!?!? Yes makes sense doesn't it...anyhow I penned an email to my local MP to see if he can help as I would like a house so we had a garden.....while it would still be within the grounds of a house at least in the summer months I could sit outside easily and not be couped up most days......so my local MP is looking into it for me.....personally I cant see the difference between a 2 bed house and 2 bed flat.......so things are just crazy.......

I have my 2nd Pathways to Work interview on Friday morning....at 9am!!! arghhhh
I will let you know how it goes....it should be pretty painless....just boring......but I will continue to play by the rules......
I still haven't heard anything from my appeal.....probably will take the DWP 6 months but that's okay, I will wait.....I'm not moving anywhere fast!!

Finally had a letter from Stafford hospital too, I go to see the gasto doctor on Monday...Mid morning...I think this is just an initial appt...so hopefully that may discover a reason why I get constant indigestion/heartburn, acid reflux and food sticking in my throat.....

Then on Tuesday I have booked in to have my B12 injection...I haven't had once since December so I am hoping this will give me a boost...a boost that will be more than welcome as well.....

I'm still on the iron tablets....still giving my belly a bit of discomfort but nothing too major but I will see my GP also next Tuesday if I can and talk with him about my last lot of bloods....as they re-did my B12 so I'm interested in what that reading was.

I have also for the first time ever given up not one but two things for lent, I'm not religious but I just wanted to see if I still had some of my grit, determination and fight left in me, so I have given up too big things for me......Takeaways....of all kinds, and also alcohol.....I'm hoping that I will also loose a few pound in weight while I'm at it too.....This just gives me a little bit of focus back, even if it is just for a short period.....

I also have been writing letters, I have 2 pen friends, I met from the Foggy Friends forum I use, letter writing has never been a strong point for me but I am really enjoying it.....I love receiving and also penning a hand written letter, it seems more personal to pen on rather than type one.....

I am also joining the local M.E group, I finally found details of one in Stafford, so I hope to meet some local people who also suffer and share any tips or just general chat really.

Well that's me done for now........Today's picture is Me and hubby again.....:-D

Take care for now and thanks for reading LFB xxx

Hoping to Move...... :-)

Hi Folks

Hope your all well.....I'm pleased to report that health wise Ive had a better week, not great but better.

I started the iron tablets and apart from a few stomach cramps they gave me at first they have seemed to have helped me.....not cured me but I'll take any improvement, and in 2 weeks I will be having a B12 injection....hoping that gives me a boost as I haven't had one in 3 months....

My headaches have eased, they haven't been as frequent or as painful as they were, again a sign the iron tablets have helped.

I'm still waiting for an appointment for my endoscopy which may reveal the reason why my iron and B12 are low.....I may call them this week to see whats happening as I was hoping to have heard by now, no harm in chasing is there!

I am also hoping to move closer to my family and friends too, I am on the council waiting list and was in a non priority band, but my GP has wrote them a letter to say because of my illness and Ferg being out most days it would be beneficial if I moved near them.....They called yesterday.....ONE DAY after I posted the GP letter to say they have put me in Band 2 and that is a good high priority...........so I just have to wait now and see what properties come up.....

At the minute I'm stuck in day in day out as going to see friends and family is just to far to walk and I'm still a little too shakey to use buses and taxi's aren't cheap......
At least with this people can come and see me easily and also I can go and see them as it should all be within a few minutes walking distance which I could manage.

Work wise....I think a decision will be made very soon......I'm sad about the probability of this but deep down I know its for the best......I can then move forward and concentrate completely on my health.

Well that's all for now....As I've not been up to much

Today's picture is again of mt new friend....he is just too cute

Take care speak soon............LFB xx

Ooooo More Blood.......

Hiya Guys

Well what a weeks its been...........I managed to complete my appeal letter in 5 days......took me that long as I disagreed with 15 statements on the medical reports and I also added additional information which was "missed" !

Now I just have to sit and wait........I saw my doctor on Monday and the lovely DWP had informed him of their decision he said there is no way at this moment in time I am fit for work and he would support me, which is good. So many M.E sufferers do get get GP or any medical support as quite a huge number of medical and non-medical people STILL do not believe that this is a real illness......Yet they will prescribe tablets etc...to help.......
Luckily my GP believes me as does the neurologist, it always helps you when you have their support.

The last few days I've perked up a bit, I think because of Xmas, getting used to Ferg being with me in the day for almost 3 weeks and then him working again, and this medical and appeal I was very much down, felt battered and tired.....I think now I have settled back in a routine although I am still shattered and the headaches are raging, my mood has lifted a lot.

A letter arrived last week from the hospital, wanting me to have MORE bloods done....which I had on Monday at my GP surgery.......Yesterday Dr.Stone called me....I though oh oh....something is wrong as he has never called me.....My iron is now low, should be at a minimum 11.5 and mine is 10.....so he left me a prescription at the reception to start taking some iron tablets daily.
Low iron can caused extreme fatigue, headaches...I once again and not pinning my hope on this is why I am ill.....but you never know......I think my problems are to do with my stomach, the acid that it produces......I am hoping that the endoscopy will be soon, as if there is a problem there this will find it.

I got a new pen friend to, a lovely lady that I met through the foggy friend forum, and although we chat on there it is fun to pen a letter and send it as even better to receive a nice friendly letter in the post that is not a bill.

I love that forum too......foggy friends....we have such a laugh there, if your feeling down they will cheer you up, if you have a problem someone will have advice, and good mixture of men and women of all ages who either suffer from M.E or are a carer or parent of an M.E sufferer.....Its a fab site and has become a good companion for me during the days, as has Nando!!

So that's where I am at the minute........just waiting for my next B12 injection, seeing if these iron tablets work and appointments for the endoscopy and neurologist again......

Today's Picture is me and my darling Ferg x

Thanks for reading......Take care speak soon..........love LFB xx

So Angry....SoTired........

Well What a bloody week its been.......I'm so upset, angry and tired at the minute, but I will try and explain in polite words why........

I am with no surprise not being paid by Argos anymore, even my SSP ran out, so I am claiming a benefit called Employment Support Allowance or ESA as I will now refer to it.
The benefit for the assessment phase is £65 a week, until you have a medical to determine then if you can get £89 per week.

You have to get 15 points at the medical to receive this, if you don't you can appeal or if you cannot return to work you can go on the dole......so I hope that briefly describes it....

If you do score 15 pts some people are put into a group where they will probably never work again other will be placed in the work support group which is where you are encouraged to return to work or maybe get a job that with your illness/disability you can do, and some training can be offered etc etc......

Well I had my medical last Wednesday 13th Jan, yes we left early to go to Wolverhampton in that snow...as didn't want to miss it, even though I was feeling like cack!!

I saw a nurse who seemed extremely nice and Ferg was with me in the room too, she went through the assessment asked me lots of questions, what can/cant you do etc...so I was honest, said I heavily rely on Ferg and family/friends to help me, that's Ferg does most of the cooking, cleaning, and even helps me to bath
Yes you see I rely on Ferg alot more than I probably let on to everyone...you see friends and sometimes family only see me on "Good Days" which are becoming less frequent at the minute as when I'm having a rough time like I have for the last 2 weeks I spend most of the time in bed or on the sofa....Now I'm not after sympathy this is just my reality.....

So I had this 40 minutes BASIC assessment....yes 40 minutes to assess me on how I have been in the last 13 months bodes well I know........and when I say basic it was "Turn your hands over" "Raise your arms"....all of this just once!

So I left and awaited the outcome hoping and praying I could get in at least the work support group.........Low and behold I got a letter on Friday to say I scored 0 yes zero nil zilch nothing.........and that if I could work then claim the dole or I could appeal........

OMG!!! I have never cried so much in all my life and it wasn't because of the money it just felt like the last 13 months hadn't happen that I wasn't believed.......I felt absolutely destroyed......

Lucky for me I use a very good forum where I feel I have made some good friends over the past 2 months, its called Foggy Friends, and they are always on hand for a laugh and chat and also so very good advice.
Of course I am appealing.....I just never thought it would be so hard....I suppose that the price people with real illnesses pay for some many years of others abusing the system and still do......and also some of the medical profession still refusing to believe this illness....I try not to get upset, angry and mad as it wears me out but its just so grrrrr!!!

So I requested straight away the appeal form..and also the copy of the medical report...they both came Saturday morning.......The report was somewhat correct but there were some exaggerations, and also some false info that I did not say and mis-interpreted......

I wont list it all for you but basically it said I was well kempt....Does this mean I should have turned up dirty? God I still have some dignity!!
I could open a door!! I could walk 10 metres and I could get things out of my small bag!!

Yes so this does really does mean I am fit for work.....can you believe.....nothing to state that after doing these tasks I'm completely knackered...nothing to say that I rarely make breakfast.dinner/tea.......
Oh but why would it!!???!!! As that would be the truth........Maybe I should go as a drug addict or alcoholic.....they seem to get more joy.....just makes me mad.....Would I really want to give up work, nice holidays, days out etc,,,,to have £89 a week in benefits....NO..........This illness is hard enough without having to fight things more.........

The the bit that made me laugh was...."I recommend that the a return to work COULD be CONSIDERED in 3 months"

What the hell......so I'm sick but not that sick yet I may return to work in 3 months?!?!?! I just don't get this sometimes!!

I mean this blog has taken me almost 4 days to write....I am just so damm tired at the minute.....I have gone back to sleeping in the day.....I should have gone into work twice but due to feeling really unwell, tired, weak, body aches I just couldn't manage it.....Thankfully Jayne is very understanding at work......and I feel under no pressure to go in at this stage......It must be frustrating for her too but I am thankful of how she has offered support through this and I tend not to worry about work at the minute.

So at the minute I am compiling my appeal...this is also a lengthy process, not only to do the appeal but I may not get a hearing for up to 6 months!! At least during this time they will still pay me some money.......Great yeh!! Oh and they don't even take anything from your own doctors or specialists........I LOVE THIS SO MUCH!!! not!

Anyway.....in the meantime for some company during the day Ferg agreed I could have a hamster....okay so Nando cannot talk, or do tricks, but at least I can talk to him and watch him run around the tubes in his cage like a mad man and roll in his ball on the floor for hours.....Nando is his name.....No not after the chicken place...Fernando Torres a Liverpool player of course...

So this will do for now.....I will keep you all updated on how things are and try to be a bit more regular with blogging........again!!

Thanks to all those who have sent message's of support I really appreciate it.....I will stay as strong as I can......

Today's pic is Nando........my furry friend!!

Thanks for reading.........Talk soon LFB xxxx

Just want things sorting..........

Hello Again....Its me!!

I think I have just about recovered from a bout of Man-Flu....damm it was horrible......I haven't had a cold like that in years....and with a poor immune system since having M.E it hit me harder than I thought.....But Beechams (well tesco's own brand!) saw me though and I survived it just about!

I'm not feeling like I'm in a good place at the minute, I think because I've been ill for a year I still feel I am no further forward than 12 months ago, although I know I've come along way I think I just need loose ends tying up one way or another as I'm ready to move on to the next chapter.

I have my first of 6 Pathways to work interviews on Friday at the Job Centre, The advisor Emma was very nice to be fair, after hearing some stories I was very weary but I needn't have been.
She explained about financial help I could get whether I returned to work or not and what benefits I could possibly get and also course I could go on to possibly train in another job that would not be as demanding. She is also going to keep an eye out for jobs from home that I cold possibly do maybe like data entry etc....

I felt happy when I left I left as I feel no pressure at all that I had to return to work and that I have top do any courses etc...which is good as at the minute I don't feel strong enough to do that, don't get me wrong some days I do but some days I don't and I don't think to many companies will allow flexi working as I may need it, and as she also said my health comes first.

If I could work I would.....

I have my ESA (that's employment and support allowance it replaced Incapacity Benefit) medical in the morning which I am a bit tentative about...I read in the paper that an M.E sufferer could pick a pencil of the floor so they declared her fit for work!!! I mean do these medical people at ATOS (that's the people who assess you on behalf of the claims dept) know anything!!! Anyhow I will go open minded and tell them what my life is like then they can make a decision.......Ferg will be with anyhow.

I hope then once all this is done I can then work out with Argos what the best outcome is (which I already know in the back of my mind) and move on with my life.....That's all I want, I'm not saying by these decisions everything will be fine but it will take the monkey off my back so to speak, I wont feel I'm in between things then, if that makes sense.

So I will update in a few days to let you know how my medical went......

Todays picture is one from Xmas Eve...Me and my nephew Louis pulling silly faces....

Take care speak to you all soon..........LFB xxx

Xmas-New Year and all that Jazz!!!!

Well....Okay Naughty me....not been blogging again.....Well it was Xmas didn't ya know!!

So here we all on in the Tennies or whatever they will be know as.....and whats changed? Not a lot.....but we shall give it time......

Well as you know my last xmas was a complete washout...I was hoping a praying that this year It would be better.....Oh and it was!!

We loaded up the car an took the 5 minute car journey on Xmas eve to my sisters, god she must have thought we were moving in!! I was so excited as I was feeling ok compared to other days I have.

We packed the kids to bed early after laying out Santa's mince pie etc....which Ferg ate!! Sorted out there presents and finally got into bed at 11pm.

I have not stayed at my sisters new house before and because of the strange surroundings I slept poorly, and was up at about 6am to see my 2 nephews excitidly open there presents.....I was feeling so tired I though OH OH...I'm not gonna last all day...........however as my mum was having dinner at my sisters and and I was going to go my nans and see my Dad when he got there too I only had to go my nans house on xmas day rather than the usual 3-4 house visits!!

I had some great presents, pants, socks, shower gel...lol.....and lots of books a book vouchers that will keep me busy for sometime...I had a xmas dinner this year too...last year I missed it all.....

I survived the day!!!! and I had a few cheeky drinks along the way!!

I slept like a log that night too......brilliant!! Boxing came and my sister again played host to the family........we had a buffet going on, with of course some alcoholic beverages and karaoke for the xbox........we had a fab day laughing, drinking and singing although I overdid it and was sick through alcohol!! Too much Too quick!! My own fault......I went to bed at half 9 with the room spinning!! But I HAD FUN!!! And to me that is all that mattered......I mean last boxing day Ferg had to call an ambulance to me.......!!

We stayed at my sisters until Monday.......Sunday was a day of rest...we had a lovely roast beef dinner at my mums.....then when we went back to my sisters I did have an afternoon sleep....well I had deserved it!!

The days in between Xmas and New Year I rested as I was feeling the effects of over indulgence, I did manage to nip into town and buy some books with the vouchers I had from my birthday and Xmas...so that will keep me occupied for a while.....

I also went to see my GP on NYE too, as my indigestion is still bad, he gave me some more tablets and some peptec and will refer me to see someone at the hospital about it, we also discussed my B12 injections......He said they will continue with them but once every 3 months.....I am quite concerned about that and spoke to him about my concerns but he said lets try it first and if I feel I need it monthly then maybe we can revert back to that.....I'm not convinced but what can I do.....I can break in the surgery and inject myself......so I am taking some tablets from holland and barrett to help.....I think they are helping but only time will tell..........will keep you posted!

So NYE came....and by 8pm I really thought I was gonna have to hit the sack....but a few shandies later I got that familiar drunk feeling and stayed up until 4am!!! I know MADNESS.....We had a family/friends party at my mums...beer and food.....I made a chicken and a beef curry...(I don't eat them) but they went down a storm........as did the beer!!

Yes I did pay for it, for the last few days but SO WHAT!!! I had the most fun I'd had in a year, and I would do it all again........although I ma not planning on pulling the same stunt every weekend!! But once in 12 months......Yes I can handle that!!!

Anyhow the next two weeks are busyish...........On Friday I have a Pathways to work interview at the job centre.....and the following Wednesday they are sending me to Wolverhampton for a medical!! Great fun! Also this week see's the last few days of my dog sitting duty........arhhh she even bought me a xmas pressie...so sweet....

So that Xmas and NY all done and dusted and I must say I enjoyed it.....even though I am knackered!!

This year I hope I will sort alot of things out in my life to enable me to move on and live with CFS/ME...........

Stay tuned for the next installment..........

Today's picture is me and my cousin drunk on NYE pretending to be Jedward!!

Happy New Year to you all

Catch ya soon..................LFB xx

Tis the season to be jollyyyyyyyyyy!!!!

Hello Again!!!

Hope your all well and settling in to the season of goodwill.........I'm just sat here waiting for a glimpse of snow.....apparently London have it......may soon be here!!! I hope for snow on xmas day...makes it feel that little more special doesn't it........

Well I suppose I best tell you how Im getting on...........quite well the last few days...and I suppose its not coincidence that it was injection day on Monday!! Oh How I am starting to love that B12 ribeana looking liquid!! even if just for a few weeks..........IT HELPS!! PLEASE LET ME HAVE MORE!!!!

Towards the end of last week I was really feeling poorly, I'm still having trouble with my digestive system.....so I will wait for a bit like the doctor said then if it continues I will go back.........I had the worst headache imaginable.......It seemed to have lasted days and days, I felt like someone had whacked me in the back of my head with a hammer, the only time I didn't feel it was when I was sleeping.

I have spoken to many sufferers and I am quite lucky with quality and quantity of sleep I get, some days its a fight to stay awake, but its worth it as I then sleep well at night, during the day when I do feel like I could drift off I just rest and let it pass by....Its hard but more beneficial.

Anyhow I've had the jab and although I don't feel it being as beneficial as the first one I had I do feel the benefits, I am not as tired, and I have less symptoms, the headaches ease and the body aches ease......Although not completely gone I find I can manage more.....I just hope the doctor see's it that way too....I suppose it doesn't help having a little cold hanging onto me either............

My immune system is so low as my antibodies are I just seem to pick anything up really quickly...........SO MUCH FUN!!

I cannot quite believe too that this weekend coming will be my 1 year anniversary of being ill......I don't think I will be celebrating that!! Although I do feel that in the last 12 months I have come along way.....I mean for months I didn't go out not even to the shops where as now once or twice a week I can manage that. Little by Little and day by Day I will beat this and if it takes time then so be it.....

The worse thing for me at the minute is my work situation.....Like I said work have been 150% amazing, I couldn't ask for anything else, I just hope that I can get back there, even part time maybe, although they and I am not putting ANY pressure on myself to, and if I have to leave then so be it.....I will concentrate on getting better or managing my illness better then look for some other employment.........who knows at the minute though.........

I am also dog sitting for my brother 3 days a week at the minute, as his usual dog sitter is on a holiday for weeks, its not demanding, I don't have to take Becca (that's the dog) for a walk, as my brother does that....my mum picks me up about 10.30 am.......and me and Becca just chill on the sofa watching DVD's (Prime suspect at the minute, WHY have I never watched this before its fab!) then Ferg gets me about 4.30pm and that me done.......its only 3-4 days of the week....and its only like being at home and I must say the dog is good company...she is soooo lovely too......I will upload a pic soon of her.

Xmas is also fast approaching and I still have to wrap some pressies.........I don't like this much......DAMM!!
Like I said previously last xmas for me and Ferg was a washout really.....ambulance on boxing day...lots of drama!! OMG.........So this year I aim to enjoy it all.......then rest for 12 months to get over it!!

Well that's ya lot for today......today's picture is my and my bestest mate....who came to visit me on Saturday and ate all my bloody biscuits!!

Take care Talk soon..........Love LFB xx

Weekend In Gretna Survived....Just !!

Hiya Guys and Gals.....How are we all?

Well in 2 words......IM KNACKERED!! So for a few days my body will again be in recovery mode...but it was sooooooo worth it, I survived my best friends wedding but only just!!

I have a little energy left so while I still remember what I have done the last few days I thought I best write it down.....although Loose women is interrupting this process...grrrr daytime telly I am becoming more sucked in to this life.....!

Anyhow I had the worst possible start to the weekend imaginable, I woke up on the Friday morning at 4am...and could I get back to sleep...NO....arghhhhhh sleep is so important to me and I usually sleep so well...but I did the worst thing possible on Thursday..I fell asleep as I spent most of the day in bed resting...I haven't slept in the day for a few months and it really makes a difference forcing myself to stay awake in the day in order to have some quality sleep in the night.....Oh well I thought cant do nothing about that.....

We set off on the mini about 10.30am.....and I just popped my MP3 player on....lay my head on my pillow and rested at the back of the mini bus up the M6.....we had a great journey to be fair, and arrived at Gretna about 3ish....missing out all the usual Friday traffic on the car park otherwise known as the M6...........when we got there though I felt sick...., like physically sick.....I don't think the latte I had from the service did me much good....so as soon as we had the key to the room I was in the loo being sick......hmmmmmmmmm great!

Friday night the gang had a few drinks in the bar, whilst I stayed in bed...rest and sleep was what I needed, and as I had made it this far I wasn't gonna miss Dawn's big day.

Saturday morning came and although I felt groggy I felt 100% better than the previous night....I went and ate breakfast and then showered and changed the wedding was at 11:30am.....OMG again though I was sick.....Great!!.......I did actually make it through the ceremony...oh it was great Martyn and Dawn both looked fab...in fact as Dawn entered the chapel then stood next to him I couldn't help but cry...what a wally!! No-one else was...I looked round and prayed I wasn't the only one....Oh well I must be getting sentimental in my old age!

We went on to have the meal...which about an hour after prompty came back up....not good!! all this food just not digesting...and I need food as my energy....argghhhh........I made it out on the night for a few hours like everyone else as we were all knackered...and once I'd had some Bacardi Breezers (yeh not great when you've been sick....but I just thought if I'm gonna be ill I'm gonna be ill regardless so what the hell!) I had some fun.......The journey home was good, again I just rested and we got back within 4 hrs...........I am really pleased I made it to my best mates wedding, as 6 months ago I just didn't think I would....I think also that my friends saw how ill and how quickly it can come on which in a funny way helped because although I tell them about it and they read this to see how I am and how quick this can shoot me down speaks louder than words, but all of them who were there were very supportive, and kept checking I was OK....again I may be ill but I am so blessed to have family and friends like mine......without them this illness could have taken me down a very depressing path and although some days I am down, one of them will say a few words and it picks me they are great....!

So the sickness thing...I had this trouble before and some tablets the doctor gave me helped, I went to see him again yesterday and he has given me some different ones to try and if this sickness continues he will refer me to have a endoscopy to make sure nothing serious is wrong with my digestive system......and if that isn't bad enough now I am claiming ESA (employment support allowance) as my SSP has ran out with work, which is hardly surprising....and while they are paying me a whole £65 oer week!! whoopieee they have sent me a form to fill in which I think I need a PHD for.....man its huge!!!! I've been filling it in for two days now....oh well...its embarrassing to.....claiming benefits...I just want to work.....for financial and social reasons........almost 12 months now Ive been ill......but anyhow I don't want to go down that road of sadness now as the festive/happy time of year for most of us is fast approaching.....at least I have managed to get every ones xmas presents (as I have some ££ saved) and most of the wrapping done..just a few more to wrap and I'm done

The tree went up yesterday....and I will be at my sisters for Xmas day...I am looking forward to it as last year I spent all day in bed and boxing day we had the ambulance out...its seemed so long ago but now xmas is fats approaching its seems all to recent now....strange...

Anyhow long post again and Im tired now....so like I said I think I need a few days recovery...and I have my next B12 on Monday so I'm hoping again that helps.........

Today's picture is me and Ferg at the wedding from the weekend, I really love this photo

Thanks for reading again and I will blog soon take care...........Love LFB xxx