It’s not just today you have the thoughts in your head
And often think what may have been said
What would he look like? What would he do?
No doubt he would support all you’ve been through
When growing up there would have been fights
Then getting on well morning noon and the night
But he would have protected you like big brothers should
And give you a hug to make you feel good
You often go to the place where he is laid
The love that you feel will never ever fade
One day you will meet and a hug will be shared
He knows from watching you have always cared
You may not have met him and seem far apart
But he will always have a place inside of your heart

As I feel the tears stream from my eye
I look up above and think “oh god why”
There is no shame in shedding tears
Don’t be embarrassed in front of your peers
Tears are not always for upset and pain
Sometimes at happiness you remember again
Tears of joy, through laughter and fun
Through dancing around playing in the sun
Tears of upset, worry and woe
For the life that you have no had to let go
A sign of weakness it is not
We feel like we’re in a place that time just forgot
The last few days they just seem to flow
From real life events or a TV show
Nothing can stop it just let it all out
The tears that I cry, what’s that all about?

Looking through the window, what do I see?
People passing by, children giggling with glee
The trees looking bare shedding their leaves
Winter is setting in time to roll down your sleeves
The mornings are colder as frost starts to settle
Icicles hanging of all things that are metal
The daylight hours are less than before
Getting up in the dark becomes such a chore
Heating is on and warm clothing out
I don’t really fancy having a long walkabout
Staying indoors snuggled and warm
I like hiding away from a cold winter storm
Hot Chocolate is needed a hot water bottle too
You don’t want your body to start turning blue
But fear not my friends it will all soon pass
And spring will be here with nice fresh green grass….

The last 4 weeks I’ve been feeling good to fair
I even managed to do something with my frizzy hair
Spent a few days out with friends from afar
Driving around singing along in the car
I gave them lessons in making cuppa teas
I’ve never known girls to bicker like these
I’ve even been a bit hyper the last few days
The energy I had left me amazed
I even left the bed in my room
Making the most of this mini boom
Catching up with the TV I’ve missed
Adding a rash to the growing sick list
Though sadly today my body has slowed down
But with my friend Bundy I have no time to frown

Up before the alarm clock calls
I hearing the muttering from behind the walls
They say the sun is out its fine and dry
I look out the window not a cloud in the sky
I run downstairs and help pack up the car
A journey to make that is not to a far
Shorts and t-shirt, bucket and spade
Sunglasses and hat to give me some shade
The feeling of joy when my feet touch the sand
Building a castle with my own fair hands
Run to the sea on this hot summers day
Splashing around enjoying the play
Crisp blue waters warm like a bath
Hoping my life doesn’t stray from this pat
Sandwiches eaten, ice cream in my hand
The sun beating hard my skin is nice and tanned
Photos are taken and memories are made
We stay till the evening when the sun starts to fade
Strolling back to the car with a smile on my face
I hope it’s not long till I return to this place

The thoughts in my head whizz around all day
Why can’t I just get them to stay away?
I don’t know what they mean or what imp to do
I just wish they would give some kind of clue
My heart weighs heavy is this grief
Who stole my life come back here you thief
You play with my thoughts feelings and touch
Someday for me it all gets too much
I’m begging you know just please let me go
I’m fed up now of putting on a show
I just want to be free and let it all out
Stand on the roofs and give a huge shout
I feel like I have lost all of control
I’m falling deeper inside the black hole
Is there some light I can see at the end?
I just want to cry I just can’t pretend
I know tomorrow the day may seem bright
But as today goes on I have lost all my fight

More Tests To Be Had

Hellooooooo

Well I've had a busy few days recently so I will try and keep it brief and explain whats happened.

On Friday I had my 2nd Pathways to Work interview, now this will be brief as I learnt nothing new, basically it went over the 1st interview, briefly touched upon my 0 points from the ESA medical, explained my current work situation and within half an hour I was home......
I have another one at the end of this month, although given some current circumstances which I wont go into at the moment it could be worthwhile.....(This is all to do with work by the way!)

I was quite knackered to be fair over the weekend....as on Wednesday I had my hair cut, had lunch at my Mum's and then spent a good 4-5 hrs at my best mate's house....and I think then with having the interview over the weekend I felt it.

As we all know I have a fantastic husband and he just left me to rest, and he did the cooking etc over the weekend.

Yesterday I went to the hospital to see the Gastro Consultant about my stomach acid and constant indigestion/heartburn etc.....as expected I am to hopefully in a few weeks have an endoscopy (camera down my throat) and also a scan on my liver/gallbladder to make sure that is all ok too.
The consultant was very good, very thorough in his questions and listened carefully to my replies and what I had to say, so lets hope these tests come soon, and if there is a problem it can be fixed.

I also had my B12 injection yesterday, pretty painless apart from slight arm ache after it, today as normal I feel a bit tired after it, and last night I had mad dreams...which I always do too, the night of the injection, but I am hoping given a day or two I will feel the benefits from it.

This weekend I have friends coming round for some drinks/food.....Now I have been of alcohol and take-aways for lent...but one day with a few drinks isnt all that bad is it??? I mean I have done 2 weeks and that is a big achievement for me......I was even tempted to get some chippy chips yesterday but stayed strong and declined........Surely one night isnt going to be that bad........I think I deserve it

I am looking forward to it too...so I am gonna take things easy for the next few days so I will have some energy for Saturday!!!!


So today's picture is of those crazy friends of mine that are coming!!! These guys are great!!!

I have used this picture before but I love it!!

Thanks for reading again!!!! I will blog soon......take care love LFB xx